Some people just can’t help the need to be the center of attention.
These types of people will often hijack every life event.
Nothing is sacred.
Weddings, funerals, birthdays… it all somehow becomes about them.
This behavior can cause a lot of drama among loved ones.
And there is always a breaking point when dealing with it.
Redditor Sugarybritchez wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not inviting my brother to my son’s graduation because he made it all about his new girlfriend (again)?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (41M [ale]) have a son, Sam (18 M), who recently graduated from high school.”
“This was a huge milestone, and we had been planning a special family dinner to celebrate.”
“I was proud of him and wanted the evening to be focused on his accomplishments, as he worked so hard to get to this point.”
“My brother, Alex (38 M), has a bit of a history when it comes to family events.”
“Every time he gets into a new relationship, he parades his new G[irl]F[riend] around, turning any occasion into ‘meet the girlfriend’ night.”
“It’s happened so many times that it’s become a running joke in the family, but this time, I wasn’t in the mood for distractions.”
“He just started dating Lisa (27 F[emale]) a couple of months ago, and I knew exactly how the night would go. Alex with introducing her to everyone like she’s the main event, hogging conversations and making it about them rather than Sam.”
“So, I asked him not to bring her to the dinner.”
“I told him it wasn’t personal, but I wanted the focus to be on Sam, not on his new relationship.”
“I thought Alex would understand, but he lost it.”
“He called me selfish, said I was jealous because he was happy again after his divorce, and accused me of deliberately excluding him.”
“My parents, always the peacemakers, got involved and started pressuring me to let it go.”
“They said Alex ‘deserved to be happy’ and that Lisa should be welcomed with open arms, especially since Alex hasn’t been in a serious relationship since his divorce.”
“They made me feel like I was ruining family harmony, but I stood my ground.”
“I wanted this night to be special for Sam, not another spectacle about Alex’s latest girlfriend.”
“In the end, Alex refused to come without her, so I didn’t invite him at all.”
“Now, my parents are furious, saying I’m alienating my own brother over something petty, and Alex is spreading the word that I’m ‘punishing him for being in love.'”
“Sam had a great night, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve caused unnecessary drama.”
“Some family members agree with me, but others say I could have just let him bring her to avoid conflict.”
“I’m stuck wondering: was I wrong for drawing this line, or is Alex the one who’s making everything about himself yet again?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“LOL, I’m sorry but the ‘punishing me for being in love’ line is hilarious.”
“I wouldn’t say a couple of months of dating Lisa is ‘seriously dating’ if he has brought other people around since his divorce.”
“What makes her so different?”
“He isn’t treating her any different… if he wants to introduce the person he is ‘in love’ with to the family he should make an arrangement with everyone like a dinner outing or a small get-together and make it officially about HER.”
“Not just some other chick he’s bringing around to a family event.”
“It’s like he wants her to feel special cuz she’s meeting the family, but it’s not actually special because it has happened this way before…”
“NTA. He sounds immature and desperate to fall in love.”
“Love is beautiful, and everyone deserves it, but, my guy… come on… No one hates you because you’re in love 😂👎🏽.” ~ bada**millz
“Haha, yeah, the ‘punishing me for being in love’ line definitely had me shaking my head a bit too.”
“I agree it’s hard to take it seriously when he’s done this exact thing with every girlfriend since his divorce.”
“It’s like he’s using family events as a stage to show off his relationships, but it ends up feeling less special because it’s become a pattern.”
“If he really wanted to introduce Lisa properly, as you said, he could’ve made it an actual event about her instead of turning Sam’s big night into another ‘meet the girlfriend’ moment.”
“It’s not about him being in love it’s about the timing and respect for the occasion.” ~ Sugarybritchez
“NTA, maybe have your brother host an event about your girlfriend and then make it all about your son instead.”
“‘Oh, you want me to meet your girlfriend, how about you both look at this laminated photocopy of my son’s high school diploma, school report card, and high school yearbook.'”
“‘Did girlfriend graduate high school like my son? I bet it wasn’t as recent as my son.'”
“‘Look here’s another picture of my son from high school graduation.'”
“Yeah, he doesn’t need to hijack others’ events and maybe should have the tables turned for a change.” ~ LadyCmyk
“The issue is that Alex is the favorite and the parents don’t get that.”
“OP is NTA.” ~ IgnotusPeverill
“All I can think of is that scene in’ How I Met Your Mother’ where Lily goes through a photo album full of pictures with Ted’s random dates.”
“Definitely, NTA and my advice for the next thing is that ‘we are celebrating with those who have supported us along the way, how about we book a dinner in a couple of weeks to meet your newest love.'” ~ whyamisoawesome9
“NTA… you protected your child from the AH you have for a brother.”
“Tell your also A**HOLE enabling parents they’re welcome to organize AND pay for a family party to introduce his GF to everyone.”
“It was your son’s graduation party wasn’t it?” ~ Organic_Start_420
“NTA. You did right by your son, and hopefully knowing that is enough to make dealing with any fallout, worth it.”
“And avoiding conflict?”
“If you had invited them, it would have caused a lot of conflict.”
“Between you and your son.”
“Not to mention the internal conflict of every person there, trying to celebrate your son while having a strange woman being shoved in their face.”
“I’m not sure why your brother is attention-seeking like this, but I think your family should sit him down and talk to him about it.”
“Let him know his behavior will no longer be accepted, and if he wants an event to introduce each new gf, he needs to host the event instead of hijacking others.”
“Boundaries need to be drawn and held, but I think you’re the only one willing to do that.”
“Bad case scenario is preparing to go no/low contact with certain family members.” ~ WolfShaman
“My other favorite was the end ‘let him bring her to avoid conflict.'”
“Bruh causing the conflict, not OP.”
“Always the ones setting boundaries being accused of being petty/manipulative/everything negative under the sun.”
“OP – NTA. Please don’t listen to those bozos.”
“Congrats to Sam on this momentous occasion.”
“May y’all have many more celebratory events, sans toxic family.” ~ borahaebooksies
“As a parent who cares about their child, I think you made the right call.”
“Your brother was being unnecessarily dramatic.”
“If it’s so easy for you to just give in, why wouldn’t it also be so easy for him to give in?”
“Why does it have to be you?”
“I’ve set boundaries with problematic family members and been called a wedge driving the family apart.”
“Turns out I was actually the glue holding the family together.”
“When I went no-contact with the more toxic ones and made my reasoning clear, the family gatherings just stopped.”
“Everyone scattered.”
“Do what’s right for you and what’s right for your kid.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ fanofthethings
OP replied…
“It’s tough to set boundaries, especially when family makes you feel like you’re the one causing division.”
“I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure to just give in for the sake of ‘keeping the peace,’ but you’re right why is it always on me to compromise?”
“I didn’t want to cause any drama, but at the end of the day, this night was about Sam, and I had to do what felt right for him.”
“Hearing about your experience with setting boundaries really puts things into perspective.”
“I can see how easy it is for things to spiral when you don’t stand firm.”
“I guess the tension now is hard, but in the long run, I’m hoping it’ll lead to healthier dynamics.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. This night was about your son, no one else.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. If he wants everyone to meet his new GF, then he should plan a ‘meet the GF’ dinner, not hijack every family event with his latest fling.
“Him not going was the best thing, or he still would’ve made it all about himself and not your son.” ~ Equivalent-Moose2886
“NTA– your brother needs to learn to plan and organize his own events, like a family brunch or dinner, to introduce his new partners.”
“There’s no reason why this graduation needed to be the place where he makes his new relational debut. So awkward!”
“Tell your parents to host a dinner too if they are upset about this boundary.”
“Your poor son 😭.” ~ information
“Your brother is a narcissist and has your parents hostage.”
“Do they not care about their grandson’s feelings?”
“Why is it so important to them to indulge your brother’s every whim?”
“You were being a good parent to your child, something your parents should emulate. NTA.” ~Yoongi_SB_Shop
“Your brother is the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.”
“People like that are exhausting.”
“He doesn’t have ‘deep feelings.'”
“You called him on his inappropriate behavior, and he’s pouting.”
“His feelings are his to manage.”
“His sibling, someone who loves him, pointed out he co-opts every function, but not this one.”
“He’s there; he knows how he behaves.”
“He’s just embarrassed you called him on his bulls**t.”
“No offense but did the girlfriend really want to attend her brand new boyfriend’s nephew’s graduation dinner?”
“That seems very personal for a new relationship anyway.” ~ Ipso-Pacto-Facto
“NTA. They want to avoid conflict by letting him trample all over events that other people paid for, to celebrate other people.”
“They somehow misplaced their spines, OP.”
“If he wants to introduce her to the family, then HE can host a ‘meet the family’ dinner and introduce her on his own dime.” ~ Limerase
“NTA. If people complain, ask them why can’t your brother just organize their own family event rather than hijacking everyone else’s?”
“He does it every time. Is he lazy? Selfish?”
“Does he not care about celebrating anyone else except himself?”
“Does he not care about his own brother and nephew enough to make a day be about someone else?”
“If you’re sick of having to put up with your brother always rocking the boat and he refuses to stop, he shouldn’t be invited aboard.” ~ Knightofaus
“NTA. That’s one important family event, and she’s really just a newborn to the family dynamic at this point.”
“No one should be made to let your brother’s penis pal tag along to anything that special.” ~ whocaresgetstuffed
“Tell your brother if Lisa is still around for your son’s college graduation, she is totally invited.” ~ Lollygagging-guru
“What drama did you cause?”
“Your son was happy, and had a nice dinner in his honor only.”
“The drama is for you only, so it is your parental duty to deal with it lol. NTA.”
“Your parents are also bad grandparents if they cannot see your point.”
“Side note, next time call his new GF by the last GF’s name, and when he protests, say ‘Oh, sorry, this is like the 10th GF you bring over the past year, hard to keep track.’ “
“He’ll get the message.” ~ thepatriot74
OP responded…
“Haha, I have to admit, that side note made me laugh!”
“Calling her by the last girlfriend’s name would definitely send a message, though I think that would add fuel to the fire.”
“You’re right though Sam was happy, and that’s what mattered most.”
“The drama is more for me to deal with afterward, and I guess that comes with the territory of being a parent.”
“I wish my parents would see it from my side, but at least I know I did right by my son.”
You did what you had to do for your son’s happiness, OP.
You’re a good dad.
Reddit has your back.
These are some deep family issues that should be discussed.
It sounds like your parents are trying to keep everyone happy, but they’re just making things worse.
Don’t be afraid to keep standing your ground.
Good luck.