Lying to your doctor can cause a lot of health issues. They are medical professionals, but can’t help you if they don’t know your habits or lifestyle.
This is particularly important for a baby.
Redditor Apprehensive_Pop_363 encountered this very issue with his wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for saying things my wife gives our infant in front of our child’s doctor?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have a 2 month old daughter. For the past month she’s been feeding our baby mashed potatoes, applesauce, sweet tea, assorted fruit juices and other things.”
“The last time we went to the doctor, our pediatrician told us to not give her anything but formula until she was between 4-6 months old. My wife does not care and says she knows best for our child and our doctor isn’t the parent.”
“Our daughter is always constipated and screams for hours at night that my wife says Is ‘colic.’ I’ve asked her numerous times to stop feeding our infant table food and go back to giving her formula. She is only feeding her one or two bottles of formula while I’m at work.”
“The other morning she was cooking scrambled eggs and oatmeal and I was off work so I started to make our daughter a bottle and feed her and she stopped me and told me not to fill her up with that and she wanted her to eat her oatmeal first. I fed her the bottle anyway after a huge argument.”
Then, OP took the baby to the doctor.
“Well, baby had a doctors appointment and my wife was talking about the colic and screaming fits and when the doctor asked what she was feeding her she only said ‘formula’ nothing else.”
“I was angry because she lied and told her the pediatrician every single thing that she had been giving her and the doctor strongly recommended her to stop and that she was causing stomach upset and more than likely the reason for all her stomach issues.”
“Instead of being apologetic for this, my wife is mad at me and told me I ‘ratted’ her out to the doctor and that she doesn’t have to listen to her and that it’s only a recommendation and that I made her look like a bad parent.”
“I tell her what a selfish little tw*t she was being and now she wants me to go stay with my parents until she forgives me and asks me to come home.”
“AITA here? I maybe I shouldn’t have flew mad at her and said some things I did.”
“Maybe I should apologize to my wife.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. What your wife is doing to your daughter can cause long term damage to her digestive system.”
“Not giving her formula can also contribute to her loosing weight and not growing. I would suggest you talk to your pediatrician away from your wife for her to get a full picture. It’s abuse.”
“Edit: Because this is at the top, OP I urge you to supervise every feeding. Your daughter can choke to death having food, she’s not ready for anything but milk. This is extremely serious.” ~ Forever_Pancakes
“I would take your wife up on staying with your parents. Take the baby too because your wife is being reckless and dangerous with her.”
“She’s not fit to parent her and this is abuse. Full stop. If she’ll lie to a doctor what is she lying to you about? NTA” ~ lotsofcache
“And although OP was 100% correct to do what he did for his daughter’s sake, now he has to worry what his wife will do when he’s not aware/looking…This is bad news because wife has decided to double-down on her poor judgment by being angry with OP…” ~ TreeShapedHeart
“I saw another comment that put it like, it’s possible she truly believes she knows whats best for the baby.”
“So ‘of course’ she lied, the doctor doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he would just argue with her if she told him what she’s been feeding the baby. It’s either that or she’s intentionally causing harm. Both are bad, this is really bad.” ~ taybay462
Redditors were curious why his wife was acting that way.
“NTA- is this normal for her?”
“I ask just in case some postpartum issue. This quite odd behavior.”
“Your child is going to be vitamin deprived. Baby will have potential damage to body. You need to protect your baby. “
“See if you can take some time off of work to be there to ensure baby is being fed properly. Or maybe trusted family member. You will be the ass if you don’t intervene and ensure baby is safe.” ~ stopforgettingevery
OP answered their questions.
“No she’s been very ‘off’ I’ve asked her several times if she is ok and she says she is fine.”
“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and she’s wide awake, sitting up in the bed and staring at the wall. Then when I ask if she’s ok she just says yes and lays back down. I get up with our daughter as well but my wife is always awake.”
“I assume she sleeps during the day while I’m at work.” ~ Apprehensive_Pop_363
“I just scrolled down to where OP commented that his wife had been super out of it lately.”
“That screams some kind of post partum disorder to me (maybe not depression, but definitely something similar), which is super scary given that a child’s life is literally on the line right now.”
“IMO, OP needs to get his wife help if he can and get himself + daughter away asap before this escalates to something worse. This isn’t something for Reddit to debate for entertainment purposes anymore” ~ f_hockey_123
“New development with her. I found her sitting in the bathroom floor and I told her I’m planning on packing to go to my moms. Told her I was taking Ava with me and she freaked out and said I was going to cause her to die because she needs the baby to be with her.”
“I asked her if she would go see a doctor in the next few days while the baby and I are visiting my parents. I told her I wouldn’t tell them that we had a fight and that after she talks to someone and realizes what she is doing then we will come home.”
“She started saying crazy things that my parents will try and take custody of the baby or if she tells the doctor ‘her thoughts’ that they will take the baby and that she can’t be honest, excuse she loves baby so much and afraid they will take her away.”
“What do I do aside from taking my daughter to my mother?” ~ Apprehensive_Pop_363
“I agree with the people above me, this is an emergency situation. Call her family, call YOUR family and let them know you’re coming, call her doctor(s) and figure out if they want you to take your wife to the ER.”
“I am so sorry this is happening. To both of you. What she’s been doing to your baby is WRONG, and you have been right to stand up to it, but she is obviously not in her right mind. She sounds terrified.”
“Edit to add: Post-partum disorders are still not talked about enough.”
“If she’s depressed/suicidal/having negative thoughts about the baby, then on top of that, she’s probably feeling insane guilt that’s spiraling into fear and terror. If we talked about these issues more, she would know that MANY women and people who give birth experience this rollercoaster, and while she might still be down, she would be in a better state.” ~ aoife_too
We hope both the mom and baby feel better soon.