Becoming estranged from family can happen for a lot of different reasons.
Once it has happened, is a person expected to still answers calls for help from their estranged relatives?
A man grappling with this issue turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor No_Juggernaut_9971 asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my mother’s hospital bills?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Shortly after my fifth birthday my dad found out that I was not biologically his, he immediately threw me and my mother out of his life which now looking back I can’t really blame him. It would be a nightmare to raise someone who was a constant reminder of your wife cheating.”
“Shortly after that, we moved from a mansion to a very small apartment and my life has been absolutely lonely and horrible since then. The love that my mother had for me disappeared in an instant.”
“She and my half siblings—constantly blame me for being the reason for the divorce—have hated me since. I was constantly told by my own family including my mother that they all wish that I would die and would have never been born and things like that.”
“I try not to let my half siblings words get to me since they were kids as well, but it still hurts to this date.”
“My mother married my stepdad when I was 10 and he and his kids, my stepsiblings, have made it very clear they didn’t like me and things got even worse.”
“I was given the smallest room, no new clothes or things, and constantly ignored if not being bullied by my family.”
“Both my stepfamily and half siblings went on great and fantastic trips and were given all the latest gadgets and everything as well while I was left behind.”
“It actually came to the point where no one had wished me even a happy birthday since I was 8 years old.”
“I had no friends at school as well. I was that ’quiet’ kid who was always isolated and left out of everything.”
“I (27 now) managed to get a full ride to my dream college and am now financially quite secure. I now have very good friends and an amazing fiancée with whom I have a 3-year-old son and her family has adopted me as one of their own.”
“My fiancée also convinced me to go to therapy for which I am very grateful as well. I am basically doing great in life and have moved past everything.”
“Recently my mother contacted me a few days ago saying she needed my help (money actually) ’cause she has cancer. I firmly but politely refused her saying that while I sympathize with her situation, it is not my responsibility and she should lose my number and never contact me again.”
“I am now hounded by my stepfamily and even my half siblings that I shouldn’t refuse. My response was pretty much the same and have blocked them as well.”
“Yesterday my mother called me from her friend’s phone this time ordering me to pay since she has sacrificed so much for me to which I replied, ‘You never sacrificed anything, you gave away everything you had cause you just couldn’t keep your legs closed’. And hung up on her.”
“I have blocked them all and now just keep receiving messages calling me an a**hole among other things from new numbers which I promptly block, but now occasionally I feel quite guilty. What my mother did was horrible yes, but no one deserves to die for such things.”
“So, Reddit AITA for refusing to pay my mother’s hospital bill even though it may lead to her death?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA, your were abused by not only your mother but all of your siblings and your step family for your mother’s mistake.”
“Then YEARS later the only reason she’s calling you is because you’re successful and can pay her medical bills? Ha!” ~ MissCheyenne14
“They should never have seen you as the reason for their lives falling apart. That’s your mom and her ex-husband’s fault.”
“Also her ex husband completely abandoning his entire family because your mom sucks makes him an a**hole too.”
“Your siblings and mother had no right to treat you that way, no excuse. Her being a monster is the only reason, please don’t justify their behavior and internalize some role in this that you did not play.”
“It’s not your fault for existing, none of us chose the circumstances of our birth, none of us are born guilty.”
“Seriously, f’k all of them! NTA.” ~ zacataur
“She and all OP’s siblings (half/step) are looking for the solution that requires them to not put out any money.” ~ chimpfunkz
“NTA. You don’t owe anything to your abusers. And everyone has to die eventually.”
“It is no coincidence that they’re trying to get back into your life at this precise moment, when they need money and you have it.”
“Please continue to enjoy the wonderful life you have built for yourself and leave these people behind.” ~ VibranceInBardo
“OP, your mom blamed you for HER mistakes, and so do your half siblings. Your step family hates you for no valid reason, and they discarded you as early as 8 years old.”
“Only monsters treat kids like this.”
“They have established that they were monsters and didn’t want you. They have made their bed. Now they can lie in it.”
“They made it very clear early on that they wouldn’t give you anything, now they can’t expect you to do anything for them.”
“Also, even if you’re doing well in life, lots of people doing well in life still live paycheck to paycheck (yeah, I find that weird, but to each their own), so just assuming you have money saved is dumb.”
“And if they expect you to take on debts, well, I think they really don’t understand how they treated you…”
“Though I think I’d bring that up with your therapist. Your choice is absolutely reasonable and justified, but even things that are justified can make you feel like sh*t.”
“The important bit is whether you can live with that choice or not. It’s all about taking care of yourself now.”
“I’m sorry for your mother, but you’re definitely NTA here. If there’s any AH here, it would be them, and the healthcare system that doesn’t pay for it.” ~ Notnal
“NTA. If you choose to answer the phone in the future you should just ask ‘who is this? Sorry I don’t know anyone by that name, hope you find who you are looking for!’ and then just hang up.”
“If they call back and say it’s a family member just respond with ‘I’m sorry you haven’t found who you are looking for but I was orphaned around 5 years old and don’t have any family’.” ~ MonkeyWrench
While the family that ostracized him disagrees, Redditors felt the OP was justified doing whatever he wants with his own money.