There is never a good way to tell parents people don’t like their kids.
Even if the kids are an unruly mess, that must hurt to hear.
This is why, as time goes on, and friends have children, other friends put in a little distance, which strains relationships.
People start to get left out of events or disinvited.
That last part is never an easy conversation.
Redditor Lower_One3014 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA if I politely uninvite a couple’s badly behaved kids from our party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (36 M[ale]) and I (27 F[emale]) are hosting his birthday party this Saturday.”
“We have no kids, just three large, energetic huskies.”
“We invited a couple with three young kids (4, 2, and a newborn, plus one on the way), but now we’re regretting it.”
“They’re not the best friends: very needy, always asking for help (rides, gas money, childcare) but rarely reciprocating.”
“The mom even complained at an event that ‘no one helps her,’ despite several of us constantly doing so.”
“The real issue is that their kids are wild.”
“They don’t discipline them, and last time they were at our house, it was chaos, dumping water bowls, breaking things, running everywhere.”
“Since it was their first visit, we let it slide, but we can’t handle that again.”
“My husband now wishes we hadn’t invited them, and I agree.”
“The problem is, this isn’t a strict ‘no kids’ party… other friends are bringing their well-behaved kids, which we don’t mind.”
“We just don’t want their kids there.”
“How do I tell them we’d love for them to come, but only if they get childcare?”
“I was thinking of framing it as a chance for a ‘kid-free break’ and apologizing for the late notice.”
“Also, my husband just told me he’s not that keen on them coming at all, since they don’t really put effort into the friendship.”
“The husband, in particular, has distanced himself from the guys in our friend group, despite their efforts to support him.”
“I forgot to add that the only reason they were ‘invited’ was because they were in a group chat with a few other couples and because I got lazy.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Are we screwed? How do we handle this?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA- in the future, do NOT use group chats for invites or if you have anything critical to say about anyone.”
“Trust me, I’ve seen too much s**t go down because of group chats.” ~ No_Stage_6158
“I don’t know the best way to handle this in your current situation, but I have to say that you should have figured out how to handle the situation before you invited them.”
“It doesn’t sound like there’s been any change in their behavior since you invited them, it doesn’t sound like there’s any new knowledge about them or their kids, so… why did you invite them in the first place?”
“I don’t think you’re an a**hole for your desires, but I do think you handled the situation poorly.”
“Needing to back out now is going to make you look ahole-ish even if it’s justified.”
“Better to have thought it through first, instead of inviting them and then needing to back pedal.” ~ BigBigBigTree
“I would have a different conversation than the ones discussed here.”
“Bring up the last visit, mention specifics like the water bowl and breaking item.”
“Tell them that you don’t expect a repeat of such behavior and ask them what they plan to do to better supervise their children.”
“Make it clear that if the children are again running wild, they will be asked to leave.”
“You need to put this on them and their undisciplined children, not on you and your disdain for their lack of parenting.” ~ Aromatic_Recipe1749
“I think uninviting them in that way would be the end of the friendship, which could be acceptable to you.”
“I find it’s rarely a good idea to burn bridges entirely.”
“If you have some money to throw at this problem, you could hire someone to take care of the children.”
“Designate a small area with some kid activities and a babysitter to keep them distracted from becoming little tornadoes in your home.”
“Maybe you can get a college student or something.”
“Maybe hire someone from an agency.”
“Of course, whatever distraction the person provides would have to be available to all the children, but mandatory for this couple’s children.”
“You could even point out that they’re always complaining they don’t get help, so you have hired help so they can enjoy the party.”
“You might actually find them nice people if they’re not working so hard to ignore their kids.”
“I understand there has to be a solution one way or another.”
“You can just not invite them in the future, but for whatever reason, their friends, you probably would lose that.”
“The number of times I have simply allowed distance in her friendship rather than going nuclear, and then yours are even decades later, the person evolves and I’m so glad I still know them.”
“NTA, but choose wisely.” ~ Competitive_Cod_3843
“Children are not naughty and undisciplined at ages 4 and 2.”
“It sounds like you don’t like the parents, which is fine.”
“But kids doing kid stuff is normal—they’re not short adults.” ~ Open-Goose5077
OP responded…
“I’m not a parent, but I’ve met lots of toddlers and young children who were full of energy and did plenty of ‘kid stuff,’ but when they crossed the line or got too rambunctious, the parents were quick to set it straight.”
“Even 2-year-olds can have set limits.”
“It’s completely up to the PARENTS to do that of course. “
“That’s what I’m trying to say, the mom did not even try at all when she was here.”
“WE were getting up and running after the kids more than she was.”
“Granted, yes, with a newborn I get she’s probably exhausted, but it was even like this before she had the newborn.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA… those friends sound like a handful, you could just try and be honest about it, ‘hey look sorry for the late notice but after the chaos with your kids last time could you sort out child care as we all want to relax and your kids are a bit wild – what you cant afford a babysitter well I am sorry that you cant come’ see its that easy job done.” ~ real-experience1
“There’s no nice way to rescind an invitation.”
“Do your best to childproof your house before the party and ask a couple of trusted guests if they can help watch over the toddlers.”
“After this event, you can refrain from inviting them in the future.” ~ algunarubia
“You’re in a pickle, but hindsight isn’t helpful after a decision has happened.”
“Uninviting them or even just their kids will affect the relationship, but is that a problem?”
“It sounds like it has been one-sided and run its course.”
“Obviously, don’t be rude, but just tell them sorry for the late notice, but you’ve decided you want a more relaxed party and need them to get childcare.”
“If they say their kids are angels, politely but firmly, that that wasn’t the case last time, as evidenced by the disruption.”
“NTA… because I’m tired of people not watching and disciplining their kids.” ~ iheartwords
“You can totally uninvite the family or just the kids.”
“It will likely tank the relationship with those friends and potentially the others in the friend group you may have.”
“I suggest two things if that’s unacceptable.”
“Hire an on-site child minder for the day.”
“A professional, not a teen from down the road.”
“And board your huskies.”
“Both are expensive – but then so is if the kids get hurt in your house (and assuming you are in the house).”
“There is also your peace of mind.”
“Can you enjoy your own party under those circumstances?”
“I hope it works out for you no matter what!” ~ FaithSlayer6
A few Redditors had a slightly different opinion…
“YTA but you can avoid it.”
“Call them and have an adult conversation that a few things were broken last time.”
“Just let them know you want the kids there and that it’s a phase. I hope they can help avoid a repeat.”
“Then if it happens again, they will understand all future non-invites.” ~ crazydaysmpls
“YWBTA to uninvited.”
“Take one for the team this last time.”
“In the future, fresh start and start a new friend chat sans the tornado family.” ~ Plastic_Cat9560
“YTA, you already invited them so suck it up this time.”
“If the kids misbehave, bring it up and be like hey, I can’t have you guys over anymore.”
“Unless, of course, you don’t care if you lose a ‘friend,’ go ahead and disinvite them now.” ~ PeacoPeaco
“It doesn’t sound like either of you even like them, but you invited them, YTA for that.”
“But uninvited they will not be your friends anymore, so problem solved.” ~ SnooRadishes8848
Reddit continued…
“NTA, you should disinvite them all.”
“They are obviously not grateful for all the help you have given them, and their children are wild, so there shouldn’t be any worries about the consequences.”
“Let this friendship die.” ~ IAmTAAlways
“NTA if you don’t want these people at your party, because it is your home and you get to decide who you have in your space.”
“HOWEVER… If you go through with rescinding an invitation to either the kids or to the whole family, consider the friendship over.”
“It’s kind of rude to invite some friends’ kids but not all friends’ kids.”
“And once these parents find out you don’t like their kids, they won’t want to be around you anymore anyway.”
“OR, you take the hard lesson and let them come.”
“Do you know that it IS ‘my house, my rules,’ and you have a right to tell the children they may NOT play in the water bowl, touch your things, etc.”
“Do be prepared to provide entertainment for other people’s kids when they are guests in your home, ALL the kids!”
“Have games or an activity planned to keep them occupied.”
“There’s no easy way out of this.”
“You didn’t think it through before the invite was sent, and you’ll look like the AH if you uninvite them, even though it’s within your rights to do so.” ~ ImpossibleIce6811
“I don’t think you can get out of the situation without hurting their feelings.”
“They’re going to want to know why you’re uninviting them.”
“Reserve my verdict.” ~ DefiantUpstairs1651
“NTA. There is a difference between kids being kids and kids having no understanding of anything because the parents let them do whatever.”
“My best friend had to learn the hard way when she tried to be friends with her child instead of being a parent to her child.”
“But luckily because he had me around, he is now a sweet, nice, and well-mannered 15-year-old.” ~ LionPast6831
“Well, you did already invite them, so yeah it would be a dick move to take that invitation back.”
“Not unreasonable considering the circumstances, though.”
“Sometimes you have to be a little bit of a d**k.”
“If I were you, I’d be honest with them.”
‘Tell them that the reason their kids specifically aren’t welcome is a direct consequence of their behaviour last/first time they were at your house. NAH.” ~ literallynotlandfill
“NTA. Tell them you and your husband have decided that it would be best if you go your separate ways, and they’re uninvited to the upcoming party.”
“Have a good life, etc.”
“Then block or mute them on everything.” ~ incospicuous_echoes
OP came back with an Update…
“Thanks, everyone, for the nice and not-so-nice comments.”
“I sent the invite to that group chat to avoid having to message each person individually.”
“Some of those couples in the chat who we love also have kids, but they are better behaved.”
“To my dismay, my husband informed me AFTER I had sent the invite to that chat, that he didn’t really want the couple with naughty kids there.”
“So hubby is a bit to blame for his timing, but ALL IS WELL NOW.”
“I called the mom a few minutes ago, and we spoke, and I said that we are asking all parents to please find childcare if they can.”
“Which is true, we did ask the other couples that last night, but if they can’t find childcare they can bring their WELL BEHAVED kids.”
“She told me she was last minute invited to a cousin’s sweet 16 which happens to be on the same day, so they will just be going to that instead.”
“I’m not sure if I believe that, but I guess it worked out!”
“Not sure where the friendship with them will go from here, but I guess we’ll find out.”
“However, going forward, we will NOT be inviting them to future events.”
“Lesson learned.”
It’s great to hear that it all worked out, OP.
This was sounding like quite the pickle.
Uninviting people to anything is never easy or a good look.
Most of Reddit understood your plight.
Now you know better for next time.
Good luck with future events.