Planning a wedding can be a stressful process.
There is so much to plan and go over.
It's inevitable that a few details will be missed.
Or maybe some details feel overlooked, but they were always part of the plan.
Redditor NorthYorkWasteman wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
""AITA for having a 2-hour gap between my wedding and the start of Cocktail hour?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm (M[ale] 33) already married 2 years to my wife, but I was talking to a new coworker (M 29) today about weddings."
"I mentioned how, after the wedding ceremony, we had our wedding photos taken at a studio because we figured a fall wedding could have gloomy weather."
"He then asked what entertainment I had for the guests during the photos."
"Now, full disclosure, I've only ever been to Catholic weddings."
"And those seem to follow the same script... wedding ceremony around noon, bridal party goes to take photos, and the guests go off on their own until everyone comes to the reception for cocktail hour around 5:30."
"So, I told him we had nothing planned for them; we just met up with everyone at the reception in the evening."
"He went off on me, saying that I was inconsiderate to the guests and that I should have made plans to entertain them until cocktail hour."
"Now, ignoring the fact that people need time to go from the church to the reception hall, I told him that seemed ridiculous, since I've never had a problem with the break because most people use that time to eat a late lunch, or to take a nap."
"He's very insistent that what I did was inconsiderate."
"Edit for clarification: We had the wedding at 2 pm at the church."
"Then the cocktail hour at 5:30 pm at the reception hall."
"With the reception starting at 6:30 pm."
"This was communicated to the guests on the invitation."
"We took pictures in the gap between the end of the wedding and the start of Cocktail hour."
"We didn't have them wait for us to start cocktail hour."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
"I mean… I would say YTA."
"Cocktail hour is meant to be for the guests’ entertainment while the wedding party and family are taking photos."
"Were your guests aware of your schedule?"
"Were all familiar with your normal wedding timeline?"
"If not, I’m sticking to my judgment." ~ AITAThanksgifting
"Yeah, this is the most common scenario, and most of my wedding experiences have also been Catholic ones."
"I don't find the religion the ceremony is celebrated in to be a particularly justified reason for leaving guests hanging for hours."
"The weddings I have been to that had a gap like that at the very least had a list of suggestions for things to do locally, like ice cream or a pub, before the reception (one bridal couple even did the tour of those places with their guests)." ~ shrew0809
"Agreed."
"Doing photos before the ceremony is another possibility."
"If I had to wait 2 hours, I probably would choose whether to attend the ceremony or the reception." ~ fairiefire
"This is what we did - photos, then the wedding ceremony, then straight into the reception."
"That way our guests didn't have that awkward gap."
"Of course, we had to be grown-ups and see each other before I walked down the aisle."
"I attended a wedding a few years ago with a two-hour gap between the ceremony and reception, where the guests were left outside in the hot sun with only drinks being served."
"Many guests were blackout drunk before the reception, and many more were sunburnt and grumpy."
"The response to the speeches was... fun to watch." ~ SweetPeasAreNice
"Gap wedding suck."
"People are usually not near their house in fancy clothes."
"So what are they supposed to do for a couple of hours in a place they might not know?"
"Go to the bar?"
"Take a walk in a park?"
"Park their car?"
"Drive around?"
"YTA." ~ beergal621
"YTA. It's a horrible experience for the guests."
"The first time I went to a wedding like this, I was like, what the actual fu*k."
"We went to see a movie."
"It is unimaginable to treat friends and family like this who are spending their time and hundreds or thousands of dollars to come support you, some of whom even travel to get there. Inconceivable." ~ jennyfromtheeblock
"YTA. The cocktail hour should have been when you were doing photos." ~ i_kill_plants2
"Yeah, every wedding I’ve been to has had snacks brought around, somewhere to sit, and at least access to an open bar/sometimes a complementary glass of Prosecco or two whilst the wedding party is taking pictures."
"Incredibly bad form to just leave guests hanging like that." ~ nugget600
"YTA in my book."
"You should have taken pics during cocktail hour so that your guests aren’t bored to tears or spending more money looking for a place to eat lunch or whatever."
"People seem to forget that the bride and groom are not just the focus of the day, but they’re the HOSTS as well."
"When you invite people to something, it’s the host's duty to make sure guests are comfortable and taken care of." ~ MyBeesAreA**holes
"YTA, and you don’t understand the point of the cocktail hour."
"The point is to fill the gap between wedding and reception, if there is one, so you don’t leave your guests (20, 50, 100, 200 people, whatever) sitting around doing nothing for hours."
"Where are they supposed to go when they’re all dressed up for your wedding and dragged themselves there?"
"How are they supposed to kill that in 2 hours?"
"Most public places that let you just sit around and exist in their space require you to spend money to be there, and if you have a large wedding, there’s not enough space in the nearest coffee shop for all your guests to go chill there for a minute."
"If you’re in the city, they’re supposed to what, wander around the shops in their heels for two hours?"
"If you’re in a small town or countryside, they’re supposed to what, sit in their car or just drive around aimlessly?"
"There’s a reason it’s gone out of fashion to make your guests wait around for hours."
"Because it’s rude and inconsiderate to your guests." ~ Errvalunia
"What woman, who is all dressed up, hair done, make-up applied, is then going to go home to take a nap between the ceremony and reception?"
"Ladies, am I the only one who thinks this is a bonkers take??"
"Of all the weddings I've attended and photographed, most being catholic, only one had an awkward break between the ceremony and reception... and we all talked about how strange it was."
"We basically hung out at someone's house who lived near the reception."
"Just chatting and waiting."
"Not normal in my region/catholic circles at all."
"So yeah, I'll say that you guys were TA."
"If you want a late reception, schedule a later ceremony."
"Cocktail hour should have covered the taking of photos." ~ sweetT333
"You are not the only one who thinks this is a bonkers take."
"I’m trying to imagine a bunch of people, all dolled up for a wedding, heading out to the nearest McDonalds or something to kill time and apparently 'get a late lunch' (did OP not even feed his guests?)."
"And not all guests are going to live nearby enough for going home and taking a nap to be an option." ~ Swirlyflurry
"YTA. I'm a cradle catholic."
"I married a cradle catholic."
"I've attended a ton of catholic weddings."
"I have NEVER experienced a gap like you're suggesting."
"There is typically a small gap (30 or 60 minutes) for a photo session while the guests have access to a cocktail hour." ~ elizarowe
"I highly doubt your co-worker 'went off' on you."
"He stated the obvious to most people, but not to you, I guess."
"A two-hour gap is a long time to be doing nothing when you blocked out your whole day to be at someone’s wedding."
"Not to mention that some of your guests probably had to travel from far." ~ IntrovertSuperHero
"I’m leaning on YTA."
"I do think it’s inconsiderate for the guests, and I hated it when one of my friends did it."
"We had to scramble for in-between plans, because we were stuck in a spot where we were too far to go back home but too close to get a hotel."
I also had a Catholic wedding, and we did the ceremony at 3 pm and took pictures during cocktail hour." ~ ArticQimmiq
"YTA as a guest who experienced this last October."
"The bride and groom didn't go to a studio but spent 2 hours doing a whole a** photo shoot."
"Almost everyone lived too far to go home, and 2 hours is just that amount of time that's long but not long enough to go somewhere (wedding was rural) and get back in time."
"It was so boring and felt super inconsiderate." ~ ExchangingThoughts
"YTA. Been to 15-20 catholic weddings, including my own, there’s always a cocktail hour or something to do between the church and the start of the reception."
"Maybe it’s a cultural thing."
"My family is Hispanic if that adds any context." ~ Dodger1920
OP came back to chat...
"Yeah, thinking on everyone's comments, I was the a-hole."
"I'll apologize to my coworker."
Glad to hear you're going to make amends with your co-worker.
Sometimes conversations take unexpected emotional turns.
Reddit seemed to be hoping you'd hear what they had to say.
Good Luck.
