Especially now in late 2022, many of us are pushing to be our best selves, but there are still some people who do not quite have their priorities straight.
Unfortunately, their true colors only really come to light during an important event, like a wedding, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor 617097713___ was appalled when he heard that his sister commented on his future bride’s wedding dress.
But when he discovered she’d commented because of scars the bride had on her body, the Original Poster (OP) knew it was time to take action.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting my sister to my wedding for what she told my fiancée?”
It was clear how much the OP admired his future wife.
“My (27 Male) fiancée (25 Female) has an obvious permanent burn scar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from her injuries.”
“My fiancèe had a long recovery. It’s been 7 years.”
“The scar is on her collarbone. It goes down her chest but isn’t showing unless she’s wearing scoop or square neck tops. She often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up.”
“She puts this cream, I don’t know what ladies call it, but it’s supposed to tone skin color or something? I’m not sure, but my fiancèe calls it a foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color.”
“I absolutely adore her. She’s pretty, smart, ambitious, and the list goes on. What happened was unfortunate, and I’m glad she’s at peace with herself and more confident.”
The OP’s fiancée had a wonderful relationship with his family members, with one exception.
“My family loves her. How can they not? She’s a member of the family.”
“My mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things.”
“However, my sister has made comments about my fiancèe’s scar several times.”
“I’ve called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments.”
“I told my fiancèe she had every right to cut my sister out and not deal with her bulls**t, but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.”
The OP’s sister continued her bad behavior while wedding planning.
“Our wedding is in February. My fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress.”
“This is where the issue started. My fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister.”
“I didn’t see it, but I was told it was a spaghetti-strap dress. My fiancèe likes this stuff.”
“Anyways, my sister saw it and went nuts. She started criticizing her choice and said that she should’ve gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar.”
“She argued with my fiancèe about it.”
The OP felt the need to speak up.
“I went to my family’s house and I confronted her.”
“I yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a ‘proper’ one so that guests won’t focus on her burn scar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip.”
“I told her that she was not invited to our wedding. She isn’t welcome at my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect.”
“We argued for half an hour and then I left.”
The OP was called out by his family for his reaction.
“In exactly an hour, my mom and dad called and berated me, saying my sister was crying after I uninvited her and that I had no right to univinte her.”
“She’s my sister and was just trying to help out and give advice and avoid any ‘unnecessary’ drama at the wedding.”
“My mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested wearing a bridal shawl as a neutral solution.”
“I stopped responding to my mom’s calls and texts after that.”
“Family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make the family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted that the sister made such comments about the bride.
“I don’t understand people who go out of their way to make a drama about a problem that is personal to someone else.”
“If your fiance is cool with the dress and wasn’t worried about the scar, why (the f**k) should it matter so much to your sister? It’s surely none of your sister’s business beyond casual concern to (tactfully and sensitively) double-check if your fiance has considered it and is okay with it. If she’s done that, then surely that’s where it ends for her?”
“Like, what the f**k did your mum mean about finding a ‘neutral solution’? Lol (laughing out loud), what the f**k?”
“The only person whose feelings matter about the wedding dress is your fiance, I would have thought. I know I’m just a simple man and I don’t understand emotional complexities like women do… (sarcastic comment).”
“NTA.” – BeefPieSoup
“Honestly OP… shame your sister, publicly, to the family. If your wife is comfortable with it, explain to every one of those family Members who are mad at you, that your sister made extremely and grossly disrespectful comments about your fiancée.”
“I guarantee to you that they don’t know the whole story and are taking your sister’s side because she has changed the narrative in a malicious manner. No loving family would react like this if they knew the truth.”
“Your fiancée not only deserves respect but unconditional love, and your sister was not showing unconditional love. She was judgmental about your wife’s scar. And that’s not okay.”
“Shame the duck out of her. Expose how she did this so that they understand why you are standing by this decision and ultimately your wife. Serious respect points. This honestly shows how healthy and strong your relationship is. I hope and wish a happy and lovely wedding to you and your soon-to-be wife.” – LadyofDungeons
“NTA I’m glad your fiancé has a good support system in you. Your sister made it dramatic. Your fiancé deserves to feel beautiful on her wedding day and your sister is taking that away from her.”
“Tell your parents they are not say anything to your fiancé that makes her feel bad about herself.” – Participant8119
“All I can think is ‘your poor fiancée’! Not only was she in a major accident that left a physical scar, but she also lost her only parent (emotional scar). Then she found a supportive partner, and her new family ridicules her scar that I imagine reminds her of a devastating time.”
“You are a good partner for sticking up for her. Your sister is TA here, especially for attempting to steal her happiness during a joyous occasion, one where she too is probably missing her mom.”
“Tell your fiancée she’s a strong lady. Tell your sister goodbye.”
“NTA.” – eee-dawg
“I also have obvious, deep self-harm scars on my arm and leg, as well as a s**t-ton of tattoos. No one has ever pointed out my scars, and the only times my tattoos are mentioned is when it’s some creep trying to hit on me or whatever. I have super RBF (Resting B***h Face) though so that’s not very often anymore.”
“I also use a wheelchair and cane for mobility aids. The only people who have made comments were absolutely terrible people that I immediately booted from my entire life.”
“The sister is lucky she was only booted from the wedding and isn’t NC (no-contact) and in my opinion, your mom should be on thin f**king ice. OP’s fiancee should never have to compromise on her wedding day and dress. It’s so telling of the sister that she thinks everyone disgustingly gossips like she does!” – snailvarnish
Others were equally upset by the OP’s mother’s reaction.
“NTA. Your Mom is ridiculous to suggest your fiancée needs to compromise with anyone on her wedding dress.” – Obiterdicta
“Tell your Mom that your fiancee’s body is none of her business and that you’re beyond insulted she’s framing this as a ‘compromise.’ The premise that your fiancee should feel ashamed of her body is atrocious.”
“Your sister acted out of malice. She wasn’t being ‘helpful.’ Tell your Mom if she wants to come to the wedding she needs to get a facelift. After all, she’s looking rather old and you’re concerned the guests will be distracted by her sagging skin and wrinkles. If she disagrees you can suggest a headscarf that covers her face as a ‘compromise.'”
“After all, you’re just trying to be ‘helpful,’ right?” – DylanHate
“NTA. You are a good man who has his partner’s back. If your fiancée is comfortable enough in her body to show the scar in her choice of wedding dress then more power to her. Tell your family they are more than welcome to decline their invitations and the only ‘unnecessary’ drama is being caused by your sister and them.”
“They are shallow people if appearance is the only thing that they focus on and are wrong-headed if they don’t think your sister should be making a sincere apology to you both. Best of luck on your special day and I wish you both a wonderful life ahead.” – Far_Administration41
“Lol (laughing out loud), I love how your mom is literally giving you permission for your fiance to wear what she wants on her wedding day.” – Tinkerbellhair
“All she’d have to do, I’m sure, is show genuine remorse, apologize to your fiancée, and admit she’s been an a**hole. That’s your compromise. Screw the shawl nonsense.”
“How is it that these flying monkeys and helicopter guardians always seem to forget what the actual solution is? Not to mention what the actual problem is.”
“Your mother’s insulting ‘solution’ is to the imagined ‘problem’ of your fiancee’s scar. Your actual problem is that your sister behaved like a tactless, thoughtless a**hole.”
“Your family’s imagined ‘problem’ is that, since they’ll naturally be the center of attention at your wedding, everyone people will talk. Your actual problem is that everyone should be talking about you and your fiancée, and your commitment to one another.”
“She can apologize and go, or she can blame you and stay home. Back your fiancée and tell them all they can stay home too out of solidarity. In my experience, the one that gets harassed to make a compromise tends to be the one that usually backs down. Clearly, that’s not your sister. Let her live out the consequences for once.” – jmmbbmdl
A pair of Redditors pointed out what the most reasonable reaction to the bride would be.
“If anything it would be an ‘Oh wow, I didn’t realize she had a scar. She’s been through some s**t. Her dress is so gorgeous and she looks so happy. So do we know what the booze and snack options at the reception are gonna be?'”
“Anyone halfway decent would see it and say nothing, or maybe ponder what happened, keep it to themselves and move on. D**n. NTA.” – caleeksu
“Right! Like, anyone who’s not a major AH is not gonna stand around ‘gossiping’ about her scar.”
“Not exactly the same, but we went to a wedding where the bride had a backless dress showing several tattoos that we didn’t realize she had. It was two seconds of, ‘Oh, I didn’t know she had those tattoos, cool,’ and that was it.” – idontevenknow8888
While the subReddit was appalled by the way the OP’s sister had spoken to his future wife, and even how his mother agreed with his sister’s sentiments, they were also happy to see a supportive husband in the making.
Negative people can kill the vibe of a day, even one as important as a wedding day, but they have less of a chance of making an impact when a couple sticks together.