When parents welcome a child into the world, their lives are completely changed and full of new firsts: first word, first solid food, first steps, first visit… the list goes on.
And, of course, the new parents want to be present to witness their baby’s firsts.
But as we know, that doesn’t always happen.
First steps can be taken when parents are away. First words can be spoken when the child is with a sitter.
Sometimes, however, parents unfortunately miss out on firsts because of someone else’s ill intention.
A mom on Reddit was devastated after her mother-in-law took her baby to meet Santa for the first time, knowing good and well that she already had an appointment scheduled, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Weak_Mail5519 asked:
“AITA for being upset with my MIL and crying in front of her for taking my son to see Santa before us when she knew I wanted to enjoy all the firsts?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I (both 33) had our son a few months ago.”
“We tried to have a baby for years and we’re so incredibly thankful to have him, but he is for sure our only child.”
“I can no longer have children after the complications surrounding his birth.”
“This means all the firsts to me are more special and I have spoken about that with friends and family.”
“My MIL has always been so lovely and supportive through this and I told her I had booked a visit to Santa for this weekend so my husband and I can take him together and enjoy this first with him.”
“Last week she asked if she could have our son for a few hours to take him shopping.”
“She knew I had a couple of appointments and she said she wanted some grandma and grandbaby time.”
“I said sure.”
“She brought him back three hours later and said things had been good.”
“Two days after she had our son we saw a photo of her with him taking him to meet Santa.”
“I admit to crying when I saw.”
“We haven’t taken him yet. She knew that.”
“We even talked about it before she left with him.”
“My husband called up his mom and asked what the photo was and why she’d taken him.”
“She told him she’d wanted to get some photos of the two of them and to document a special grandma and grandbaby day.”
“She ended up coming over and asking why my husband was acting like she did something wrong.”
“He said she did. That she knew how much we wanted to take him first.”
“She said to let grandma enjoy a first of his and I cried.”
“MIL accused me of trying to manipulate her into feeling bad for something totally normal.”
“I told her I can’t believe she’d do it when she knows I won’t get to do any of this again.”
“She said I had no right to be upset with her when I said she could take him for the few hours.”
“I said she only mentioned shopping and she knew we had it planned and booked.”
“She said it wasn’t something I should be crying over and to just enjoy what I get.”
“I ended up leaving the room.”
“She complained to my husband but he shut her down and told her she knew I was still coming to terms with how bad things had been during our son’s delivery and how I wanted to make the most of every moment and to be present for those firsts.”
“He said she should understand and be helping with that instead of being so underhanded.”
“She’s saying I’m manipulative with my reaction and don’t have any business being upset with her.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. MIL knew exactly what she was doing, and that’s why she hid it from you.”
“You drew a very clear boundary, and she stomped on it intentionally.”
“Your husband is doing a great job of putting her in her place, and if she cannot acknowledge her wrong, then she will lose grandma privileges.”
“It’s as simple as that.” – Positive-Light243
“NTA – Your MIL knew exactly what she was doing, or she would not have hid it.”
“She didn’t mention it when picking up your son, didn’t mention it when dropping him off, nor before posting the pictures.”
“She’s the grandma, not mom, she needs to step back and respect YOUR boundaries as his mother.”
“Someone seems jealous.”
“I’d be very careful with her in the future and taking more firsts from you both.” – Angelz80
“NTA”
“‘She said it wasn’t something I should be crying over and to just enjoy what I get.'”…… OP, this is NOT the last first she will steal from you.”
“Hence, her saying enjoy what you’re able to get with YOUR CHILD.”
“What’s next? Baby’s first haircut? Easter bunny photo?”
“She knew exactly what she was doing.”
“Obviously, she is one of those grandmothers who think they and what they want with/ for their grandchild is most important, and you, as the mother, take a back seat.”
“I would strongly suggest LC for right now, and you and your husband have a very serious, detailed conversation regarding boundaries with this woman.”
“Then discussing as a united front, making it VERY clear that if she doesn’t respect your boundaries, she will not be part of your lives at all.” – Delicious-Editor-993
“NTA. She disregarded your feelings and is now trying to rug-sweep it.”
“You are not overreacting.”
“Maybe the first Santa Claus visit isn’t a huge deal, but the betrayal of trust and disregard for your boundaries is HUGE.”
“Please do keep your Santa visit though.”
“I think you still need that memory.”
“Don’t let her immaturity stop you from this.” – RutabagaCurious3279
“NTA.”
“I spent a year reading The Hobbit to my three boys in anticipation of the movie coming out.”
“We talked about how awesome it would be to see it and wondered how they would use special effects.”
“My husband and I split that summer.”
“He took them to see the movie.”
“I will never get that back.”
“It’s been 12 years.”
“It still upsets me.” – Lost_Shake_2665
“NTA, MIL did this intentionally and seems like a major problem.”
“At least your husband stood up for you.”
“Don’t give her any more alone grandma grandbaby time if she’s going to go out of her way to do things with him first.” – whatsa1pick
“NTA. No one asks to take a very young infant SHOPPING for some quality time.”
“This was straight-up planned.”
“Kinda surprised you agreed to her taking him anywhere just for safety reasons. I wouldn’t let her take him anywhere again for a very long time.”
“My MIL is similar.” – Eastern-Eggplant4374
“NTA and just like that, she’s no longer to be around him unsupervised….” – United-Manner20
“NTA”
“I don’t care if you’ve had ten kids, it’s the first with each one and each reaction is different and special.”
“I just had my first grandchild and would never dream of doing something like this.”
“If my daughter asked me to or asked me to tag along, that’s one thing, but to just do it and not say anything is sneaky and wrong.”
“MIL is the AH here, and I hope you will let her read these comments.”
“She stole a precious moment from you and her own son.” – mi_lynn
“The fact that she said you should let grandma have a first is all telling.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing.”
“However. Here are the silver linings:”
“Since your baby is so young, you can still have this first with him because it will be the first time YOU took him, and since he has no comprehension, it will still be YOUR first.”
“For the consequences of grandma being a grade A b*tch and trying to take this away from you, then doubling down, then making you feel like shit for getting upset about an obvious hideous action then she looses ALL grandma privileges.”
“Sorry, no, you don’t get to see him anymore.”
“You had your chance, and you blew it.”
“NTA of course” – PostCivil7869
“First off ROCKSTAR husband.”
“I was kind of leaning toward N A H until the part about letting grandma have some firsts– THAT tells me this was 100% intentional on her part, and shame on her for that.”
“Time outs are an excellent teaching tool and granny obviously needs some teaching, No more unsupervised time with Granny until she makes a GENUINE apology and she acknowledges that overstepping boundaries is selfish behavior and baby can’t be unsupervised with selfish people.”
“Make it clear that she’s free to choose– to respect and honor boundaries and see grandbaby or to continue to be selfish and ignore boundaries and not have her grandbaby in her life.”
“NTA”
“The upside your baby had no clue they were meeting Santa and will have zero memory of the event.” – celticmusebooks
“‘Well granny, you are going to have to be happy with what YOU get. Which is pretty much about nothing.'”
“The audacity of telling a parent that they will get whatever the grandparents leave them.”
“She knew what she was doing because she clearly set up the lies in advance and did not tell you about events after the fact.”
“NTA.” – lapsteelguitar
According to her fellow Redditors, OP should in no way feel bad for the way she reacted.
She will, however, have to set and maintain some boundaries with her MIL moving forward.