There’s a baby shower thrown by the husband’s family, a resentful in-law, and an expectant wife who is experiencing physical setbacks. What could go wrong?
Everything, it seems.
A couple who is expecting their first child received an icy reception from a family member who brought the energy down at their baby shower.
When the father-to-be confronted the issue, and it led to a dramatic exit, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor fire_trousers22 asked:
“AITA for kicking my MIL out of my wife’s baby shower?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 M[ale]) and my wife (29 F[female]) are expecting our first baby in March and are very excited, but there have been some complications.”
“My wife has been struggling with constant nausea and pain, which has led her to be basically bedridden the past few months.”
The OP continued:
“Her nausea has been a bit better lately, so my mom and sister decided to throw us a baby shower (I know that dad isn’t typically invited, but that’s just how my family does it.)”
“Well, my MIL is not happy about any of it. She is upset that my family is throwing the shower (even though she never offered to help) and upset that men were invited.”
“That, I could see from her point of view and put aside for the sake of reducing drama. What I couldn’t forgive was her comments toward my wife the second she came through the door.”
“She claimed that my wife ‘wasn’t really that sick’ and was ‘just doing it to get out of work’ when, in reality, my wife was working online literally from the bathroom in between vomiting.”
What happened next didn’t help ease tensions.
“The kicker was when my sweet sister tried to lighten the mood, saying, ‘Well, at least (wife) is feeling better now,’ and MIL said, ‘I bet she’s just here to get our money and attention, then not show her face for another month.’ “
“I was LIVID. I told her she needed to shut up or leave because this day was about supporting my wife and our baby, so she needed to do that. That ticked her off, so she screamed at my wife and me for being ungrateful until my wife cried, so I told her to ‘just f**k off already.’ ”
“She finally listened and left; the rest of the party went somewhat smoothly. However, some family members said I should have just ignored her, and wife doesn’t want to talk about it.”
“So, was I in the wrong?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. You defended your heavily pregnant and sick wife from her nasty, unsympathetic mother. If MIL wanted a baby shower done her way, she could have thrown one herself.”
“What was she accusing you of being ‘ungrateful’ for? She didn’t contribute to the shower, and it sounds like she hasn’t done much apart from criticise and throw screaming tantrums.”
“I doubt this is the first time MIL has behaved like this, and she knows she can get away with it if people ‘just ignore her.’ She needed to be called out. I hope your wife feels better soon, and congratulations on the baby :)” – Pure-Philosopher-175
“This OP. You need to stand up for your wife and mother to your soon-to-be-born child.”
“Bullies always deserve to be called out and held to account for their BS – rhe fact it was her own mother is just outrageous.”
“I hope your wife is alright and at some point os willing to discuss this with you. To me that behavior warrants full NC for at least awhile.” – MasterAnthropy
“Something tells me the poor wife is so used to her mother behaving this way that she’s become sick of fighting it, and probably doesn’t have the energy for it at the moment. Good thing OP has her back. I wouldn’t be letting MIL near the baby once it arrives.” – Pure-Philosopher-175
“Absolutely this! Ignoring her would’ve just let her keep stomping all over everyone. Defending your wife was the bare minimum, especially after those disgusting accusations. MIL sounds exhausting; good on you for shutting it down. Congrats on the baby, though!” – nnelsontyre
“Exactly like what were you even supposed to be grateful for her showing up just to insult your wife at her own baby shower nah you did the right thing standing up for her MIL sounds like the type to get away with crap because everyone just lets it slide and she needed to be put in her place hope your wife is doing okay and congrats on the baby.” – lfoxyadventuress
“NTA. The woman who birthed me and her other daughter who were living with me BARGED into my bedroom at like 6am on my birthday to ‘be the first ones’ to wish me a happy birthday. Which makes no sense because my husband and I slept in the same room and he had just stepped out either to use the bathroom or make me some tea.”
“I was seven months pregnant and had had a ROUGH night. He came back in and was SHOCKED to find them in there after he had quietly snuck out so I could finally sleep. He kicked them out, and they were miffed, saying they just wanted to celebrate me. He was like, ‘It’s 6am, and she’s pregnant. This is not about her, you are making it about YOU.’ ”
“So they sulked all day because he was ‘mean to them.’ Your wife needs you to advocate for her, even if she herself won’t rock the boat with her mom (I couldn’t have kicked my mom out myself, or even thought to. I would have just gritted my teeth through it). You did exactly what she needed. Good for you.” – throwaway_virtuoso71
“NTA. You did the right thing. MIL was seriously slandering her own daughter (your wife). Your wife was just too sick to give MIL the pushback she deserved, so you stepped in to defend your wife.”
“Those who said ‘ignore her (MIL)’ . are asking you to stand idle while letting your wife get maligned. You really don’t want to allow any possible doubt about maybe you’re in tacit agreement with those insults.”
“I do hope their reactions were temporary insanity, rather than indicating that they’d decline to defend their own spouse.” – extinct_diplodocus
“You got your Papa Bear on, and that’s great. Be ready to wield a large sh*tty stick when baby is born as well, MIL will not be able to handle all the attention the baby will get.”
“Suggestion: do not have MIL over to your house to see the baby. Meet at a relative’s place or a restaurant. That way when she arcs up (and she will arc up) you can simply leave, rather than having to boot her out.”
“Ultimately its worth considering going low- or no-contact with her, but make that decision when your wife is feeling better.”
“NTA.” – Enlightened_Gardener
“NTA…Nope. You do not ignore behavior that is going to upset your already sick wife. You did the right thing. And since she made her feelings known, if she continues this way, MIL might just not ever see her grandchild.” – Worth-Season3645
“NTA. What an awful woman. Nowadays, it’s more common than not to have men at baby showers, since men are parents, too. And I wouldn’t tolerate anyone talking that way to my spouse either, it’s completely out of line.” – algunarubia
“NTA. Your MIL rolled into the baby shower like a storm cloud and started throwing shade at a woman growing an entire human while battling constant nausea. Kicking her out was like deploying an umbrella – protecting your wife and the celebration.”
“Family members saying you should’ve ignored her? Nah, that’s like trying to ignore a fire alarm during dinner. You prioritized your wife, as you should. Gold star husband move.” – pinkqkie
“NTA, you stood up for your wife that’s paramount. You guys have to defend your family I can’t even imagine why she would act so badly. You gave her a chance to stop, and she just got worse, so yeah, telling her to f’k off makes perfect sense.”
“I would tell anyone saying ‘ignore her’ that you don’t let anyone run down your wife and make her cry that’s not happening. All the MIL had to do was throw an additional shower that she preferred.”
“The good news is everyone learned you aren’t going to stand by and watch while people insult your wife. They probably won’t try that again for a long time. Saying she made excuses? Just toxic horrible shit that no one should watch passively.” – BloomSara
Overall, Redditors commended the husband for standing up to his MIL while his wife was too fatigued to deal with the drama.
Redditors also advised the father-to-be to maintain some distance from all the toxicity to benefit his wife and the incoming addition to the family.