A future traveler and their mother were looking forward to going on a Disney cruise they had planned so long ago.
But the timing of their booked vacation was cutting it close to a very significant family event.
When the potential conflict led to family drama, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor KittenPuppyCookie asked:
“AITA for going on a cruise right before the birth of my niece?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“TL;DR [Too Long; Didn’t Read]: My mom and I booked a Disney cruise with other extended family months ago, but it’s set to happen two weeks before my brother’s baby is due.”
“My brother and his wife have been under a lot of stress (job loss, one child with a severe disability, and a high-risk pregnancy.) They were counting on my mom to watch their daughter during the birth, and just found out that we will only get back two weeks before the due date.”
The OP continued:
“My SIL had a total meltdown, crying, yelling, and calling my mom irresponsible and selfish for going so close to the due date, especially since they’re relying on her for child care.”
“My mom thinks two weeks is plenty of time and was shocked at their reaction. However, they both still think my mom is in the wrong and should cancel the trip. If she doesn’t, it will cause ‘irreparable damage’ to their relationship.”
“I understand their stress, but I feel like canceling a trip we booked a long time ago and have been looking forward to just in case of an early delivery is unfair. Am I (and is my mom) the a**hole for still going?”
The OP wrote in edits:
“The cruise was booked in August, pregnancy announced in September. The cruise is in April. Induction is scheduled in May.”
“She would never have scheduled it like this intentionally, but nobody put together how close the timing was until recently.”
“Also, there are no other living grandparents (that’s why they’re not helping out.) I do not know what specifically was agreed to in terms of child care, but clearly calendars were not used.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA but I also wouldn’t want someone who just came off of a packed cruise during flu season watching my kid with a high risk pregnancy that could go critical at any time. That doesn’t make it your fault or your mothers. It’s just a bad scary situation. “ – FaelingJester
“NTA. Sounds like they have time to line up someone else to help should she go into labor while you’re on your trip.” – Stranger0nReddit
“NTA. I get that your brother and SIL might be feeling a lot of stress right now, but that still does not justify their reaction to your mom. This is their responsibility, and they have time to set up a Plan B in case the baby arrives early. Sorry they have seen fit to threaten your mother over this.” – Realistic_Head4279
“NTA – Unless they had a prior arrangement with mom and she planned this without talking to them. Otherwise it’s their problem for not planning ahead and communicating and just assuming mom would be around. But you are blameless.” – Dschingis_Khaaaaan
“NTA.”
“Why isn’t her OWN mother going to be helping? Or anyone in her family?”
“Did they talk to your mom about needing her help on X date? No? Then go on the trip and enjoy.”
“Your brother and his wife need to find alternatives for their older child. This is their problem, not yours and not your mother’s.” – Fickle_Toe1724
“NTA. Your mother’s life doesn’t revolve around a grandchild. Your SIL sounds very spoiled. Life goes on, despite her having a baby.” – LowBalance4404
“2 weeks is 100% in the delivery window, and an entirely reasonable date for her to go into labor, and the amounts of disease that go around a cruise ship mean mom shouldn’t be around a newborn for about 2 weeks after being on the ship regardless – if SIL went into labor early, mom could land and bring back norovirus to the baby! 🤢”
“Still hesitantly NTA, but mom is making a lot of assumptions if she DID promise to be helping and caretaking, and finding a carer for a severely disabled child that can be on call 24/7 for a month isn’t exactly….”
“It’s hard to say that it’s totally NTA because they really are putting brother and SIL in a sh*tty situation. No one is owed but promises were made and an effort to rebook the cruise should have been made.” – Inky_Madness
“NTA, but with any pregnancy, 2 weeks puts you in the delivery window, and with a high risk pregnancy 2 weeks means a greater chance the birth is early— depending on what makes the pregnancy risky, they’re much more likely to deliver early, often by c-section or induction.” – mmouse9799
“NTA – If your mom gives in to the demands of the terrorists they’ll just lean that they’ll get what they want if they act crappy enough. Go on your vacation. If the kid shows up early they can figure it out and make it work.”
“Last I checked that was an important part of parenting. I’m also really past the point of being understanding about the demands and other bullsh*t parents somehow think everyone should do in order to cater to them.” – GoopInThisBowlIsVile
“Give your SIL grace in this. Her reaction by all outward appearances is extreme and inappropriate. The stress of finding someone you trust to stay with your child for the duration of a labor & delivery is high for everyone, add in that it is for a special needs child the options diminish further. The fact that she is a high risk pregnancy greatly increases a labor ahead of 38 weeks for a variety of reasons.”
“You and your mom aren’t in the wrong here, especially as the cruise was booked ahead of them announcing the pregnancy. Your SIL and Brother are (understandably) panicking And stressed because they don’t have anyone else they feel comfortable with leaving their child with, and they thought this situation was settled.”
“They have time to figure out options, but the very real fear is likely that she will be left in the hospital alone while he takes care of their other child. This is a situation where I say hiring a doula makes sense. A doula can help assure and allay the fear of her being left alone during L&D.”
“Clearly, NTA. But also, give grace and compassion. Try and give yourselves time to breathe before responding, and respond with ‘hey, this really sucks none of us realized this sooner. I can understand the anxiety and fear you have about being induced/going into labor early because you are high risk. Would you like me to help you figure out another trusted person that can be on call while I am gone? We can also help prepare some freezer meals for you to have on hand.’ “
“It’s incredibly hard not to take it personally when someone is making bad choices because they are sad, or mad or stressed. But if you throw a little love their way….” – Itchy-Confusion-5767
“NTA what were their plans if something happened to your mom around that time? Accident, injury, sickness etc? It’s their kid, they should have arrangements made and backup arrangements made. If they want to withhold the kids over this, OK. That’s their choice.” – Mommabroyles
“NTA, mainly because this doesn’t really involve you. Your mom, isn’t an a**hole for booking prior to knowing. She is an a**hole for not letting them know as soon as she knew. High risk pregnancies are no joke, I have had a friend lose her baby and nearly die herself.”
“They are extremely unpredictable and there can be complications at anytime leading to early delivery. Thinking two weeks is enough time with a high risk pregnancy is incredibly naïve at best and selfish at worst. If they didn’t have a child with a severe disability I would say NAH, because they could just find alternative care if the worst happened and they needed emergency care for their child.”
“However, as their existing child has a severe disability I would assume the child would need specialist care and knowing your Mom with experience would be taking care of the child would be a huge weight off their shoulders.”
“Again, your mom is not the a**hole for booking, but is the a**hole for letting them know so late into it. Honestly, a high risk pregnancy is super stressful and can end tragically, at least knowing their existing child had care would be such a relief.” – tired_but_wired6
While some had reservations, a majority of users couldn’t blame the mom for going ahead with the trip based on preliminary discussions.
What compromise would you offer in this situation to provide some the stressed parents some semblance of calm?