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Woman Refuses To Let ‘Nasty’ Soon-To-Be-Ex-MIL Stay At Her House After Medical Procedure

seated stern older woman with can
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Two families come together when a couple is formed. Those unions aren’t always amicable.

When a relationship ends, extended family might choose to stay in touch.

My Mother maintained a strong bond with my Father’s family after they were divorced. In fact, she saw her in-laws far more often than her ex-husband did.

My Father’s relationship with his in-laws post divorce was much closer to good riddance than good vibes.

Every divorce is different.

A woman in the midst of an amicable divorce enjoyed the added benefit of an end to her toxic relationship with her mother-in-law—or so she thought.

After her soon-to-be ex mother-in-law announced a pending uninvited, unwelcome visit, the woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Sea-Purchase-6547 asked:

“AITA for saying my ex mother-in-law (MIL) is not family?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I (34, female) am in the process of divorcing my husband (33, male). We’re on good terms and still live together in my house.”

“The house is in my name and was bought before marriage, which means my husband is not entitled to it according to my country’s law. He hasn’t moved out yet because of his financial issues.”

“I’m ok with it. He just started a new job and hopes to move out in a month or 2.”

“He doesn’t pay me rent. He does pay his share of utilities.”

“I was able to pay off my house very quickly—with massive help from my parents—so I no longer have to pay mortgage. I never charged him rent because it felt unfair, even though we always had seperate finances.”

“My MIL is a nasty person and we never got along. She never liked me and made sure I didn’t feel welcome in the family.”

“Last month she called me on my birthday to tell me she’s glad she no longer has to buy me anything for my birthday because I’m no longer family. She had recently found out we’d be getting a divorce.”

“Yesterday she called me. My ex was at work and didn’t pick up—that’s why she called me not him—to inform me she’d be coming over for 2 days next week because she will be having a medical procedure done in our city—the capital.”

“She does not drive so she can’t go home straight after the procedure. She was planning to spend the night and take a bus the next day.”

“I said something like ‘no, you can’t come’ at first, but she kept talking and I figured I don’t have to be polite with her anymore.”

“I told her absolutely not, she’s no longer family. The house is mine and I don’t want random people I don’t even like in my house.”

“Neither she nor my ex can afford a hotel. He can’t drive her back because of his new work.”

“I won’t, because she’s no longer my problem. My ex is very angry with me and told me I shouldn’t be taking out my frustrations on his mother.”

“I’m not. I just don’t want her here because I don’t like her and I don’t feel like I have to put up with this anymore. We’re no longer a couple.”

“He never stood up for me against her and that’s one of the reasons things didn’t work out for us. We’re from different cultures, so he always claimed it was cultural and I should respect it.”

“I was expected to always put his family first, even though they clearly disliked me and were rude from the start.”


The OP summed up their situation.

“I told my ex-MIL she’s not my family and I might be an a**hole because my ex thinks so.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“She already decided you aren’t family. You are NTA.” ~ ahknewb

“Tell her ‘You decided that we aren’t family and always treated me as if I wasn’t family. I never invite people who hate me to stay with me. That’s how I live my life’. NTA.”

“If his mom had been a kind person, the response would be different. She wasn’t kind and that was her choice and now she gets the natural consequence for not being nice.”

“Oh well, c’est la vie.” ~ BlazingSunflowerland

“‘If you want your mother to stay with you, go get your own place. Since we’re broken up, you’re a guest in my home and are not entitled to your own guests. If you let her in, your things will be outside within the hour’. NTA.”

“OP, the cool thing about being done with the relationship is that you don’t need to argue anymore. If he’s upset, that’s his problem. Not yours.” ~ SpaceJesusIsHere

“NTA. If he’s angry about it, tell him he can move out earlier. Nothing preventing him from leaving if he’s so incredibly offended on behalf of his mother.”

“She’s not related to you and neither is he now.”

“His choice is, he can be civil and thankful for your kindness and generosity or pack his sh*t up and leave ASAP. You’re not a charity for everyone who rocks up looking for a free place to doss and chauffeuring everyone around.”

“The utter gall of the pair of them!” ~ Frankifile

“I warned my husband I would divorce him before I let his toxic as f*ck, been in jail since he was 12—he’s 31 now—mom move in with us again.”

“She wanted a crash pad, and I drew up papers.”

“Whaddya know‽‽ My hubs found his spine—and a sadly realistic view of his mother—and we are now low contact with her and much happier.” ~ Its_panda_paradox

“So you weren’t family when it was your birthday, but now that she needs something, you are. She FAFOd. NTA.” ~ BangarangPita

“Don’t feel bad. They can deal with it—it’s their problem. NTA.”

“I get cultural differences, but it’s always the excuse for the ‘boundary pushing’ culture. What about respecting YOUR culture? I hope you stand your ground on this.” ~ Character_Schedule34

“When did ‘cultural differences’ become a valid excuse for being a nasty piece of work? NTA.” ~ ParticularBanana9149

“NTA. Your ex-MIL made very clear that you aren’t considered her family. So she doesn’t get to ask for things.”

“Having said that, please, get rid NOW of the ex husband. He will not go away peacefully as he said, and him being angry about your choice about his mother is a Red Flag.”

“He clearly thinks you owe his family favors, and also thinks your actions are a manner of ‘vengeance’ against him. That’s a huge Red Flag.” ~ pescawn

“Tell him he’s worn out his welcome and has to get out. If where you are requires you jump through hoops for a legal eviction, now is the time to start the process. NTA.” ~ extinct_diplodocus

Ex-MIL didn’t even ask, she told OP her plan. The entitlement with this one is strong. NTA.”

“I guess ex-MIL never learned that words and actions have consequences. Ex-MIL effed around and found out.” ~ Prestigious-Bluejay5

“OP, you need to have it out with your ex about his entitlement and his move out date.”

“Depending on how far you want to go, you can always call the police and have your MIL escorted off the property if she shows up at your house. It would burn the bridge with your ex, but it doesn’t sound like there is much of a bridge left.”

“Regardless, it is time for you to stand your ground on getting your ex out of the house.”

“Tell him ‘I was willing to allow you to stay in MY house as long as you respected me and my boundaries. One of those boundaries is no unwanted guests—certainly no one that treats me with disrespect. But you clearly are unwilling to do that, so its time for you to find a new place to live immediately’.” ~ lovetotravelanytime

“Get him out now. It’s no longer your problem that he has financial issues and nowhere to stay. Boohoo.”

“The balls on this guy. ‘How dare you disrespect my mother when she clearly doesn’t like you but wants to continue using you for free room and board’.”

“You’ll feel about 400 pounds lighter after you drop them both off at the shelter. NTA.” ~ BohoFox1

“NTA. You’re being generous enough to let your ex stay, so he doesn’t get a say.”

“She is NOT family anymore. She burned her bridges when she was an a**hole to you.”

“It’s your house and you don’t have to have people you don’t like in it.” ~ ReviewOk929

“MIL: ‘You’re no longer family and I hate you! And I’ll be staying at your place for free for a couple of days’.”

“OP: *extends middle finger*”

“NTA and enough said.” ~ Ok_Conversation9750

“NTA. You aren’t taking your frustrations out on her. She is reaping the consequence of her own direct actions and words.”

“Remind them both of the lovely phone call she made on your BIRTHDAY.” ~ Valuable-Spare-7164

“OMG! I’m actually laughing.”

“She called you on your BIRTHDAY and said what she said, and she and your ex are surprised that you won’t let her stay in YOUR home‽‽”

“NTA, buy a long shot.” ~ Goalie_LAX_21093

“NTA. I don’t blame you. You cannot be horrible to me then expect my hospitality.”

“Block her. Tell him you blocked her. If he doesn’t like it, he can go now.”

“You don’t have to house him or his nasty mama.” ~ LouisV25

“NTA. Aside from any of the rest of her nonsense, she made plans for her procedure without checking with you—or her son, it seems.”

“That’s a her problem, not a you problem. She needs to figure it out or cancel for a more convenient time for her son.” ~ CreativeMusic5121

The OP got their answer together with some advice about her current living arrangement.

Whether or not she shows her ex the door may depend on if his mother darkens her doorstep.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.