The needs and symptoms of pregnant women are often dismissed by those who have not experienced pregnancy themselves.
Unfortunately, sometimes this even includes their romantic partners, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor S_Spring789 was pregnant, and rather than her symptoms stabilizing the further along she got in her pregnancy, the worse her nausea became, making the idea of hosting a weekly game night less and less appealing.
But instead of listening to her concerns and needs, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt that her husband dismissed her needs in favor of continuing to host game nights how he wanted.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for telling my husband that I don't want to host guests weekly anymore?"
The OP was becoming increasingly nauseous during her pregnancy.
"I would like to know if I am overreacting since I am hormonal after all."
"For some backstory, my husband (30 Male) and I (28 Female) have been together for eight years and married for almost two years."
"My husband hosts this dnd group once a week. I joined DND up until recently, since lately, I’ve been feeling super sick. I’m eight weeks pregnant and just feeling horrible, especially in the evening when the group is taking place."
"I tolerated people being in the house last week, and I just hid in the room."
The OP was no longer comfortable with her husband hosting DND while she was pregnant.
"Today, I texted the group after my husband didn’t answer my private text to him first, and I asked if they could please leave after they had been playing for about an hour."
"I asked them to leave this time, because I honestly felt like I was going to throw up."
"I asked my husband after they left if they would please move the game to someone else’s house for the next three or four weeks until I am out of the first trimester."
The OP's husband lashed out when she asked to change plans.
"He got angry since he said everyone else's home is too small. We got into a fight, and he got angry, stating that I am not letting him have hobbies anymore."
"He reminded me that his other friend’s wife let them continue hosting the game while she was pregnant."
"This couple used to host a couple of years ago before we did. They had a much larger home, and she had more family support than I do."
"This friend has four kids now and no longer plays DnD. This is why we host."
"I reminded him that not everyone’s pregnancy is the same, and honestly, I have been feeling so sick constantly that I just don’t want people over anymore since we live in a very small house, and I’m trapped in the room for three to five hours once a week on an evening."
"He said that he didn’t want to sort this out right now, and that he is willing to move the group for a couple of months once the baby is born."
"I would like to know if I am overreacting in my ask for the DND game to be moved to someone else’s house for the next three to four weeks?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she was not wrong to voice her needs and said her husband had to make new arrangements.
"NOR. Your husband needs to get it together. He’s acting like it’s a permanent ban on his hobby when she’s just asking for a temporary adjustment while she’s feeling awful; it’s a pretty reasonable ask to me…" - hidden_groove
"NOR. Your husband is being a d**k. As someone who had awful nausea and vomiting in my first pregnancy and then Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) in my second pregnancy for six months, the last thing I would want is people over when I’m feeling awful."
"Your husband needs to put his big boy pants on and have some compassion for his wife who is carrying his baby. Honestly, it’s pathetic." - Blackberry-Apple-13
"Homeboy needs to discover video chat. You can play, not bother wife, pause to make tea, dang, my sister is 45 and plays online with friends because it's hard to deal with kids and life, etc. Like, hold on, a player has to change diapers."
"NOR, definitely." - hyperfat
"I’m 23 years past being pregnant, and I still remember how s**tty I felt in the first trimester. It’s no joke. Hurling at random times, feeling exhausted because all of your energy is going towards growing a little human. Don’t get me wrong, It’s totally worth it, but it’s like having a months-long flu." - Emergency-Dentist-90
"I'm 30 weeks with my third. OP isn't even taking account of the fourth trimester. That amazing time that also comes with pitfalls. After birth, she'll be bleeding, leaking, and exhausted. And he's going to pester her for stupid DnD nights?"
"And don't get me started on the fact that Baby will be unvaccinated for the first two months after birth (I'm not arguing for or against vaxx, just that Baby has pretty much no immunity to start with, and even a simple fever can be awful)." - clynkirk
"Do you honestly think he will put his hobbies on hold once the baby is born?"
"He’s telling her he doesn’t give two s**ts about her. She needs to rethink this marriage and pregnancy…"
"He’s only going to get worse the farther along she gets." - BeautifulChaosEnergy
Others suggested ways that the OP could make the game nights inconvenient until her husband started to listen to her.
"If he's going to insist on hosting, I'd constantly ask hubby for help. A glass of water, a wet towel, a cup of tea."
"Never in 100 years would I hide in a room so that (ah)hubby can play with his friends." - ms-wunderlich
"NOR. They could do this hobby via video chat and don't have to impose on you at all. I agree that your spouse needs to get his priorities straight and start finding good compromises to get his dopamine hits from hobbies while not neglecting his responsibilities to be a good husband and father."
"If he's going to irrationally cling to doing everything exactly the same as when he was single, then he can move back in with his parents like the child he apparently is and pay child support. When your toddler asks why dad doesn't want to spend time with them, he can explain that made-up stories about a gelatinous cube were more important to him than being a dad." - Shrimps-is-Bugz
"I’d consider carrying in a vomit bucket and joining the game. Should clear things right up." - Melodic_Policy765
"NOR, and oh boy, I've been in a similar situation. My now ex-husband would insist on hosting DnD every week in our tiny one-bedroom apartment because he'd make all these cool Lego builds that were hard to transport and he just liked being host and whatnot... Anyway, one one time I asked them after 6 hours of gaming to have their post-game chat at the pub down the street and he BLEW UP at me and we fought for three days."
"After I apologized to his group, they were actually super chill and understanding, so my advice would be to explain to the group that you're having morning sickness. In all likelihood, they will understand and not want to disturb a pregnant woman and work as a team to find a solution. They play dnd so teamwork and creative problem-solving is already stuff they should be practicing."
"Then there's the issue of the husband, and well, I'm obviously biased, but I would say he can either prioritize his pregnant wife or be free to host DND when it's not his custody time." - Teacher_Crazy_
"NOR at all."
"Your health and your comfort need to start coming first. He’s being an absolutely selfish child."
"And he’s going to have a cold, hard shock when this baby arrives, and his previous hobbies sit on ice for a few months. And if he thinks he can carry on as normal with the occasional baby cuddle thrown in, he’s got another thing coming."
"He’s 'willing' to 'move' the group 'for a couple of months'... 'when the baby is born'? He is not the Lord and master of your house. If you don’t want people there, that should be respected. Also, 'when the baby is born,' that first couple of months will need all hands on deck. Not you doing everything while he plays fucking games."
"During pregnancy, it might be that your second trimester is much less hard going than the first. Maybe then the games can return to you for a few weeks, if he really needs a bargaining chip."
"But first tri is exhausting, physically and mentally, you’re sick, you are emotional, you just need to hole up and have your space. And as a partner and father, he has to have your back on that, no arguments."
"Failing all gentle negotiations, maybe just throw up on the gaming table. That’ll clear the room."
"Sorry if this is impassioned; I’m 36 weeks pregnant, remembering back to how shit I felt at the beginning, and I really feel for you." - box_twenty_two
The subReddit was fully in support of the OP getting the rest that she needed throughout the rest of her pregnancy, which meant more quiet and peace, and much less hosting.
Game nights are fun and all, but the nice thing about them is that they could happen in the home of anyone involved, instead of the nauseous pregnant lady's personal space.
