Arguments happen in every relationship.
Romantic or otherwise, we are all different in so many various ways that it is impossible not to rub a loved one the wrong way from time to time.
The test of the relationship isn’t that we argue, it’s how we resolve those arguments.
So what happens when someone just refuses to argue with you and instead tries to shut down every altercation by putting the entirety of the blame on you?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Johnnnyyy111 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for pulling my pants down and showing my husband my underwear after he insisted that I was on my period when I wasn’t?”
OP began with the background.
“My husband has a habit of blaming my behavior/reaction on my period.”
“For example, when we argue he’d say ‘I won’t argue anymore since you tend to act crazy when you’re on your period’ or even say ‘I know you didn’t mean to do/say that but couldn’t help it since it’s that time of month for you…'”.
“It’s so irritating and it prevents me from being allowed to express myself.”
“It happened again last night at dinner table.”
“We had an argument about him forgetting to fill my car with gas after he used it and when I expressed my frustrtation he said ‘we will not talk about this now since you appear to be on your period'”.
“I said that I was not on my period and that this was just me feeling frustrated with him.”
“He insisted he won’t talk about this then and insisted he won’t hear what I had to say since ‘I was on my period since I was being irrational during the argument'”.
“I snapped and had enough.”
“So I got up, stood in front of him while he was still eating and pulled down my pants and showed him my underwear.”
“He made a grossed out face and shouted ‘f that’s nasty, I’m eating my damn dinner damnit'”.
“We had a full-blown argument and he said I acted horribly and ruined his appetite by pulling that nasty move. He told me to grow up and stop being spiteful over nothing.”
“He keeps saying I grossed him out during dinner and made him go to bed hungry. AITA?”
“Did I overreact?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Many were quick to point out red flags.
“If your husband gross out at your body, maybe it’s time you reevaluate your relationship.” ~ MyCatsOwnMyLife
“This was my main takeaway, him being SOOO disgusted by his wife’s body to the point where he ‘lost his appetite’ is a major red flag anyway.”
“Despite arguing, my BF would want to do the deed immediately.”
“THAT IS NO SHADE TO OP, but to her immature walking red flag of a husband.” ~ _777cherries
“Not only that, but men who are ‘disgusted’ by periods are children.”
“50% of the human population has them.”
“If you learn about all of the changes that happen in a woman’s body during her 28 day cycle, like at the biological level, it’s downright f*cking magical.”
“I’m not joking! A woman’s body and what it can do is a beautiful miracle.”
“If its regular functioning is ‘gross’ to you, I have zero time for you.”
“Now I’m not saying to wave a used tampon in anyone’s face and call it art or anything, but if bodily functions are gross to you, grow the f*ck up.”
“No woman should be shamed for being a woman, period. (Pun intended)” ~ ZanzibarLove
“Wtf did I just read?”
“This is… wrong on so many levels and I hope not true.”
“In case it is he is 1) gaslighting you”
“2) making you feel less than about a natural thing that women have.”
“3) saying your body is apparently gross. NTA and you should strongly consider what you want to do if he is unwilling to change these disgusting habits” ~ Caaaarlthatkillsppl
Commenters pointed out that this was more then just an argument.
“But seriously, what are you doing to yourself OP? You let that man wear the title of husband? What an absolute joke.”
“Also, the first sentence alone makes this NTA because he constantly ‘blames your behavior/reactions’ on your period.”
“Im sure many others will echo these sentiments, but run while you still can.”
“What a trash human.” ~ Reasoning-II
“He’s gaslighting you and emotionally abusing you.”
“Please take this seriously and consider if you want to stay with someone incapable of having a discussion around such a simple topic.”
“How well do you think he’ll support you when life becomes more complicated, as it inevitably will?”
“You’re NTA.” ~ Ok-Obligation-4784
“You’re NTA, and your husband is a misogynist.”
“He’s weaponising a sexist trope to belittle your emotions and avoid treating you like a person – and it sounds like you’re at breaking point.”
“At best he has no respect for you, and at worst I’d honestly say his behaviour is crossing into emotional abuse territory.” ~ Reasonable-Pen-88
“It’s AITA’s time to shine: we have a real attempt at gaslighting, folks.”
“He’s trying to get OP to question whether her very legitimate complaints about him are fair/reasonable by calling her ‘irrational’ or ‘crazy’ and suggesting that she’s not in control of her own feelings and actions because she menstruates.”
“It’s also very dumb, because she can very clearly disprove what he’s saying by demonstrating that she is not, in fact, on her period.” ~ LilBabyADHD
Husband’s ‘disgust’ also got a lot of attention.
“Ignoring the fact that he absolutely refuses to validate your feelings and speaks down to you on a regular basis, why are you with a man who is disgusted by your vagina?!”
“I can guarantee that my husband would have a VERY different attitude if I did this at the dinner table!”
“I think you need to work out whether you want to stay with a guy who seems to be disgusted by you.” ~ PriorHedgehog
Some were just confused by the entire relationship.
“So whenever you voice any kind of frustration with your husband, he calls you irrational and now he’s also calling you a liar??”
“Please explain to me why you’re married to a man who has no respect for you?”
“NTA” ~ falconprincess
“Of course NTA, but I would start reevaluating this relationship.”
“What is he putting in this relationship?”
“What I am getting from this is he basically wants a doll as a wife and no one with any actual feelings.”
“He’s being disrespectful to you and then blaming anatomy. Are you kidding me?” ~ bonzaibuzz
“It’s really concerning to me that every time you disagree with him or have a less than favorable attitude you must be bleeding from the crotch.”
“Sounds like your dude has some serious communication issues and maybe some insecurity.”
“Also, regardless of whether or not I’m bleeding, if I even hinted at exposing my crotch during dinner my husband would be done eating and halfway to the bedroom before I got the top button of my jeans undone.”
“Never under any circumstances would he be stupid enough to refer to my vag as anything that could even be construed as gross. And he watched me grow and birth a child.” ~ CaptainBeverlyPicard
“NTA and why are you with someone who doesn’t respect you clearly, gaslights you and is sexist and misogynistic???” ~ MissSunshinexoxo
Also these are incredibly interesting facts.
“Fun fact, when a woman is on her period, her hormones levels are lowered and similar to that of a man. So if your husband thinks you’re ridiculous, point out that’s how he is ALL the time.” ~ SkysEevee
“I love pointing this out to people.”
“Testosterone levels rise and estrogen levels fall during your period.”
“People call women “hormonal” on their periods to be dismissive, but never actually mention which hormones” ~ ditzyspider
Some responses were even itemized.
“He’s about a triple AH at this point, though.”
“Blaming any expression of disagreement on your period shuts down rational discussion before it can even begin based on a fake excuse.”
“Makes me think he knows he’d be the loser in any of those discussions he’s avoiding.”
“Having periods is part of life.”
“Women manage to run countries and corporations without letting them interfere with high stakes issues.”
“The presumption that even if you WERE on your period that you’d be irrational is infuriating.”
“The human body, YOUR body that he promised to love and cherish, is beautiful; not gross or something that would ruin a meal.”
“If this is a pattern, which it sounds as if it is, you should seek couples counseling. He’s got a lot to learn and likely will need a third party getting him to see that.” ~ Cogito_ErgoBibo
Arguing with our significant other, sibling, parent or friend is extremely healthy and can be an imperative part of growing a relationship.
Shutting down those arguments via gaslighting or simple stubbornness is a great way to send all the wrong messages to the other person.