Money shouldn’t dictate one’s happiness, but it can often lead to some awkward conversations.
There are some people who are hugely fulfilled by their jobs, and thus don’t pay much mind to the fact that they make considerably less than some of their friends and family members.
Others, though, don’t even attempt to hide their jealousy at the higher salaries of others.
Such was the case of the sister of Redditor XxLockdownZxX, who’s life seemed to entirely revolve about how much money she, and others were making.
So much so, that it seemed to be the only topic of conversation between her and the original poster (OP).
Which, unsurprisingly, the OP was beginning to find more than a little tiresome.
Concerned that they were being unsympathetic to their sister, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to tell my sister how much my salary is and how much the mortgage I can get is?”
The OP explained why they always felt the need to resist answering a question their sister constantly asked them, no matter how hard they pestered.
“My sister is a very money-driven person.”
“As soon as she finds out that someone is earning more than her she would like to change jobs and tell that person that she is the one who deserves more.”
“Funnily enough, this happened a few months ago and she is now changing from a florist to a caregiver because she earns more or so she says.”
“Anyway, my sister has asked my several times over the past few months what my current salary is and how much of a mortgage my girlfriend and I can get together since we’re looking for a house and want to live on our own between now and august 2023.”
“If everything goes well.”
“I find this rude.”
“I also say every time she asks that she has nothing to do with this.”
“Then she gets extremely angry and makes a fuss.”
“Because how stupid I am not to tell her that.”
“I often tried to say things like ‘Oh I don’t know’ or ‘Haven’t checked in a while’ but I feel like I’m running out of options, or rather excuses.”
“Am I the a**hole for not wanting to tell her?”
“Because it does feel that way to me sometimes.”
“My parents often, not always, agree with my sister and want me to just tell her, but I don’t want to.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not be the a**hole for declining to tell their sister about their salary or mortgage.
Everyone agreed that money is a personal issue, which the OP was under no obligation to talk about, with many people giving the OP some options as to how to respond next time she asks.
“‘Unless you’re planning on contributing to my mortgage, my finances are none of your business’.
“‘I’d appreciate it if you’d stop asking’.”
“wtf is wrong with your sister?'”- Dragonstink
“Also stop pussyfooting around and simply tell her it’s none of her business and you won’t be discussing it with her.”
“What’s with all this trying to spare her feelings, people pleasing none sense?”
“She’s rude and obnoxious for asking, especially after she has been told no the first time.”
“No is a full sentence.”- AdGreedy8386
“My sister is like this too.”
“So annoying and part of the reason I’m LC with her, not getting into that story, I’m not saying to go LC with your sister but tell her it’s none of her business.”- Depressoexpresso1245
“This falls clearly and easily under none of your business.”
“Your parents should stop enabling her irritating obsession.”- LadyCass79
“Your financial business is your business.”
“It has nothing to do with her and she is not entitled to know.”- Fun-Two-1414
“Don’t tell her!”
“There is no upside to this, and only downside!”
“Danger, Will Robinson, danger!”- Straight-Singer-2912
“You can’t win either way, if you tell the truth or make up a lower number to make her feel better.”
“Is there a reason you need to be in contact with her?”- TemptingPenguin369
“‘I find the subject of finances an uncomfortable topic since it’s easy for comparisons and jealousy to start on either side and I don’t want that to ever come between us’.”
“This is why I don’t talk about it with family, and why I won’t talk about it’.”
“I understand you’re curious, but I would prefer it if you stopped asking and we stick to discussing things that we are both interested in’.”- EwokCafe
“It’s none of her business.”
“And tell your parents to mind theirs.”- ChapSteve711
“I’d be petty and make her change careers again but that’s me.”- Plenty_Metal_1304
“It’s none of her business, nor is your parents business.”
“Simply be direct, and say, ‘my salary is none of your business’ and don’t engage anymore with it.”
“I would also tell my parents, nicely, that you do not want to discuss anything involving your pay with anyone.”- Ok-Entrepreneur61
“No a complete sentence.”
“The next time she asks just say no.”
“You do not have to explain yourself or give reasons/excuses for not telling her.”
“No one is entitled to your personal financial business.”- momlife_lifewithboys
“If you consider that information too private to share, then it is, and she should stop asking.”-luckyintrovert
“But stop making excuses.”
“She obviously isn’t going to stop asking so grow a backbone and tell her she can ask as much as she wants but you will never share the information.”
“Don’t keep putting her off with silly excuses.”- MK_King69
“Your sister has absolutely no right to even ask.”
“Not sure why she figures it’s her business to know anyways.”
“I would just respond the next time she asks that ‘you make what you make and that’s your business’.”
“‘I make what I make, and that’s my business’.”
“‘Let’s leave it as that and drop the subject’.”
“I’ve honestly never understood why people figure it’s their business to know what others make.”
“NTA OP.”- Im_a_country_girl
“Your information your choice who to let it know.”- Kanulie
“She neither needs nor should have this information unless you are happy in providing it.”
“She’ll soon find out how much you can spend on a house when you and your partner buy one, from that she can probably extrapolate your earnings.”
“In the meantime tell her to bugger off and mind her own business.”- EPLIW
“Unless she’s planning to split some bills with you it’s none of her business.”
“Plain and simple.”- chill_stoner_0604
“Her wish to compare doesn’t trump your wish to not share personal information.”
“And no being family does not mean that you don’t have secrets.”- SamGamgE
“Unless you’re extremely close and know the other person is comfortable talking about money, I’d consider it rude to ask someone about finances.”- Blauwere17
“Your financial status is not her business.”- Responsible-Pen-4386
“Tell her that is personal and frankly none of her business.”- Jensooverstupid
“Did you ask her point blank why is she asking?”
“I get that you know the reason.”
“I’m talking about making her say it out loud.”
“There is no magical solution to this situation as toxic people are hard to outmaneuver.”
“No matter what answer you give in the end you’ll be the one in the wrong.”
“The only slightly viable way is to put them on the spot.”- Lovrofwine
“How much do you make?”
“Jk, NTA, this is weird.”- Disastrous_Ad51
“Depending on where you live the price you pay to buy a home may be public knowledge.”
“Where I am in the USA it’s pretty easy to look up the sale price of a house in the tax records.”
“I would just tell her it’s none of her business on your salary.”- KeyBox6804
“I don’t inform anyone, ESPECIALLY ‘family’, what our household income is.”
“It’s no one else’s business.”- PrimalPagan33
“Your salary is not her business.”- jihana13
“Not her salary.”
“Not her business.”- MaryVonDerInsel
“It is none of her business, and that is what you should tell her!”- MedievalWoman
“Your salary isn’t your sister’s business.”
“Maybe tell her, it is enough to make you smile and sleep well.”– FightingtheGravity03
“Since it’s not a single iota of her business, tell her you’re interning for no pay and you plan on living in a box under a bridge to save on mortgage expenses.”
“When she gets pissy, tell her since she does not pay your bills, your bank balance is something you will not discuss with her.”
One has to wonder what the OP’s sister is hoping to accomplish after learning about her sibling’s finances.
From the sound of it, a possible career change would be high on the list.
One can only hope that she’ll stop worrying about measuring herself against others, and instead focus on her own happiness.