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Woman Wants To Skip Sister’s ‘Family-Only’ Wedding After Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Disinvited

Angry and screaming bride
CareyHope/Getty Images

When we think of happy couples, we think of them being together for a long time, having that Instagram-worthy love, and eventually getting married and starting a life together.

But couples who choose a different path can be just as happy, if not even happier, than couples who take the more socially “traditional” path, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor lulu_breeze had been in a committed and loving relationship for the past five years, and while they had not exchanged vows, they had built a quality life together.

When her sister first invited, and then retracted an invitation, from her life partner for her wedding, the Original Poster (OP) discovered how she truly felt about her relationship.

She asked the sub:

“AITAH for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she uninvited my partner?”

The OP had been in a committed relationship for five years.

“I (28 Female) have been with my partner (32 Male) for almost five years.”

“We’ve built a life together. We live in the same apartment, share expenses, and are honestly planning to get married at some point. He’s been by my side through a lot of major life moments, and he’s become an important part of my family’s life, too.”

“My parents and siblings know him well, and he’s always been included in family holidays, dinners, and even trips.”

When the OP’s sister was getting married, the couple was ecstatic.

“My younger sister (26 Female) is getting married in a few months.”

“Initially, I was so excited for her.”

“When she first sent out her wedding invitations, my partner was included as my plus-one, which I thought was totally normal given how long we’ve been together. He’s been to plenty of family weddings and events, and everyone considers him part of the family.”

But then the sister changed something that ruined the whole occasion for the couple.

“But last week, I got a call from my sister, and she told me that she’d decided to change her wedding plans and uninvite my partner. She explained that she wanted to keep the wedding ‘small and family-only’ and that, since we’re not married, he’s technically not family yet.”

“I was shocked because this came completely out of nowhere. My partner has always been treated like family by everyone, and I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly being excluded from such a big event.”

“I told her I didn’t think it was fair. I tried to reason with her, but she was adamant.”

“She said she wanted to ‘simplify things’ and didn’t want to explain to distant relatives why my boyfriend was there when we were ‘just dating.'”

“I told her that we aren’t ‘just dating’ and that our relationship is serious. I asked if her decision would be the same if we were engaged, and she said yes unless we were legally married.”

“I was hurt, and honestly, I felt like she was being really disrespectful to my relationship.”

The OP immediately set a boundary with her sister that the future bride did not like.

“I told her that if my partner wasn’t invited, I didn’t think I could attend.”

“She got upset and accused me of trying to make her wedding about me and creating unnecessary drama. She said it was her big day and that I should respect her wishes.”

“Now, my parents are mad at me, too. They’re saying that I should suck it up, go to the wedding, and ‘keep the peace’ because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event and I should support my sister.”

“I’m feeling really torn. On the one hand, I love my sister and want to be there for her, but on the other hand, I feel like it’s unfair for her to exclude my partner after everything we’ve been through together.”

“I don’t want to go without him because it feels like a slap in the face to our relationship.”

“My partner hasn’t said much. He says he’ll support whatever decision I make, but I can tell he’s hurt, too.”

“Am I being unreasonable for standing my ground and refusing to go without him?”

“AITAH for not attending the wedding?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some assumed the sister did not respect the state of the OP’s relationship.

“NTA.”

“I’ve been with my partner for 23 years and married only last year. He was my husband for that long.”

“She needs an official paper to consider someone family? She prefers people blood-related and their husband/wife more than your partner?”

“If you get married, don’t invite her: family is people you can trust to be there for you when you need them. Like your partner. Apparently, not your sister who’s trying to divide you. You don’t need her.”

“And don’t let people tell you that ‘family comes first,’ because it’s just a way to guilt you to choose them first!”

“Your sister disrespects your partner. Are you sure she loves you as much as you love her?” – Lyzab77

“NTA.”

“You’re not being unreasonable for wanting your partner to be included in your sister’s wedding, especially given your long-term relationship. It’s understandable to feel hurt by her decision to uninvite him, as it seems dismissive of your relationship.”

“While it’s important to support your sister on her special day, you also deserve to feel respected in your relationship. If attending without your partner feels like a betrayal to your relationship, it’s okay to stand your ground.”

“Prioritizing your feelings and boundaries is valid, and it’s important to communicate that to your family. So, no, you’re not the a**hole for refusing to attend.” – clingybelaa

“I was in a similar situation. Sometimes people get hung up on arbitrary rules, especially during their ‘joining families’ event, that they don’t think about how much it hurts the people they’re excluding.” – UltimaCaitSith

“My boyfriend’s cousin attempted to make this rule after they received our RSVP. We’d been together seven years, longer than they’d even been together I’m pretty sure, and it felt massively insulting and hurtful, because we got along with them whenever we saw them.”

“My relationship isn’t any less valid just because we haven’t signed a certificate. My boyfriend did end up putting his foot down and saying we both went or neither of us did, and they conceded. But I haven’t forgotten it.” – WiseBat

“NTA. Five years is not ‘just dating.’ You’ve built a life together. The fact that she’s treating your partner like he’s not part of your family just because there’s no marriage certificate is ridiculous. It’s also pretty hurtful that she’s suddenly excluding him.”

“Stand your ground! You’re not overreacting. If she can’t respect your relationship, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to go without him.” – mai_fern

Others wondered if something else was going on, like drama or conservative in-laws.

“Something else is going on. Try to have a heart-to-heart and if she refuses don’t go. Yes, she’s your sister but she has known him for a very long time.”

“As for ‘distant’ relatives, NO ONE WILL CARE THEY ARE NOT MARRIED.”

“Yes, it’s her wedding, but she’s being unreasonable. I pray everything works out. I would not go, but that’s just me.” – Gatekeeper1969

“Something more is going on. Either there’s bad blood with your partner or her fiancé’s family is ultra conservative. Either way, it’s a crappy thing to do. NTA.” – kymrll

“I feel like she must think he’s going to propose at the wedding or something. Since the OP said to us that she believes they’ll marry someday, I wouldn’t be surprised if her sister were self-centered enough to assume that her wedding would be the perfect opportunity to make that happen.” – AardvarkDisastrous70

“I think it’s odd that she removed him from the list AFTER the invites went out. I’d ask who else was uninvited during the switch to a ‘small and family-only’ wedding. Because if OP’s partner is the only one, there’s something else going on.” – DisneyBuckeye

“My first thought is that something else is going on with the sister, or the sister’s soon-to-be husband. Maybe some interaction with OP’s partner that went sideways and he just didn’t realize it?”

“If they’re doing this to other people, then it’s probably their own personal issues causing some havoc for whatever reason… but if it’s just OP’s partner, then that’s really fishy. That doesn’t come out of nowhere.” – betteroffsleeping

“A small wedding but with distant relatives who don’t know about your five-year relationship? Hmm.”

“Your sister doesn’t like your boyfriend, or something happened that made her change her mind.”

“NTA. There’s definitely something else going on, though.” – issakate

The subReddit was at a loss for what might have caused the bride and groom to uninvite the OP’s partner after already inviting him for their big day.

Unless there was an issue with the groom or the groom’s family, it seemed that the sister must not like the OP’s partner very much and wanted to exclude him from the family photos.

Unfortunately, that would take the OP right out of the pictures with him.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.