It's always nice to go on an outing with good friends.
Getting to spend time and/or catch up while partaking in something fun.
Of course, not all activities are amenable to doing with friends.
Sometimes, owing to differing interests, other times owing to which particular friend you were hoping to do certain activities with.
Redditor CuriousCarob154 had a fairly regular outing with one of her closest friends.
Over time, however, these outings became increasingly less fun for the original poster (OP).
Almost entirely owing to a huge change in her friend's circumstances.
When this friend brought up possibly making this outing again in the near future, the OP seriously considered being honest with her friend.
Having doubts about this decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not wanting to go to an amusement park with my friend because she is plus size?"
The OP explained why they were apprehensive on continuing a regular outing she made with a friend:
"I am probably going to get hate based on the title alone but read the whole post please."
"I am 21 F[emale] and have a childhood friend 22 F."
"We live near a big amusement park in our state and every summer since we were kids we have gone to it together pretty often."
"Ever since we were teens she’s been curvy/ plus size, and that’s fine by me."
"But recently she’s put on a lot more weight, again I don’t care about this at all, means nothing to me."
"However it’s created an issue with going on the rides and attractions at the amusement park."
"We haven’t been to the park in around a year."
"Our first time back was last week."
"When we were there I discovered that most of the rides we used to love going on, she can no longer can fit on them."
"Others she can technically fit, but doesn’t want to ride them because the seatbelts feel too uncomfortable."
"There are very few rides left that she can go on without an issue."
"Also, we went on a ride recently where two people share a bench type of seat, it was extremely uncomfortable because there wasn’t much room for me and felt like i was being crushed most of the ride, it honestly felt unsafe."
"There’s also been an issue with her eating my food while we are there."
"Like for example I will buy some popcorn or something at the amusement park, she will buy her own stuff, then she asks to try mine."
"Usually she will eat it all if i don’t stop her."
"I may get hate for this part but she sometimes gets dirty looks or pointed at when we are there together, because people are judgmental."
"This makes me sad for her and just uncomfortable overall."
"She’s been asking if i wanna go to the amusement park this weekend and I really don’t see the point because we won’t be able to go on most of the rides."
"I feel terrible tho and don’t know how to say i don’t want to go."
"Should I suggest some other activity?"
"I feel like she will get suspicious because I love amusement parks and usually always wanted to go during past summers."
"I’m not entirely sure why she wants to go there so badly if most of the attractions do not work for her anymore."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was justified in not wanting to go to the amusement park with her friend.
While just about everyone agreed that suggesting a more suitable outing or activity wouldn't be unreasonable, some did feel the OP might want to avoid telling her friend that her weight was the issue, feeling that could be triggering to an already sensitive topic:
"NTA."
"When I was in high school I went to a theme park and I saw a larger guy in my year trying to get on a rollercoaster."
"The safety lock or whatever you want it wouldn't close around him and he had to leave so the rollercoaster could start."
"It was humiliating for him and a bunch of people were laughing."
"Suggesting another activity might be best."- N7Tom
"NTA."
"But handle it delicately."
"Suggest the other activity."
"'I was kind of hoping to do something chill like go to the beach'. I'm not really up for long lines this weekend."- Amareldys
"Why not go with a group so she can enjoy the parts of the park that she likes and there are other people to ride with?"-toastedmarsh7
"NTA."
"I'd take the money angle: 'The park is expensive, and I feel i can't get my money's worth when our rides are limited - not too mention the cost of food! Let's do X, Y, or Z instead'."
"Not rude, not accusatory, just pointing out that your time and money is best spent elsewhere when you hang together."-Ok_Lengthiness_8405
"NTA."
"I might get some hate too but the fact is you laid out some pretty legitimate reasons as to why her weight is enough of a problem to not want to go with her."
"I don’t care what size anyone is, but if it gets to a point where their sheer size and appetite will stop you from being able to enjoy or even take part in certain activities with them, it is what it is."- Wizard_of_Claus
"NTA."
"As a fellow fat girl, she knows she’s fat but it’s still something to be handled very delicately to avoid hurt feelings."
"I suggest saying you don’t think the amusement park is worth the money since you and her can’t ride most of the rides and suggest you find something else to do together that’s fat friendly."
"Keep the language focused on both of you ('the theme park isn’t as enjoyable for *us*') rather than singling her out or her weight out and phrase it as a fact."
"If you just kick the can by saying no every time she asks, she’ll notice eventually and it’s not a bestie thing to do to avoid the conversation."
"On the bright side, if she’s open with you about her weight, that’s a good foundation already."
"I’ve been fat most of my life and I never talked about it openly with anyone until my 30s."
"Definitely don’t mention that other people’s reactions to her make you uncomfortable, I completely understand it’s more about you feeling in the spotlight and having social anxiety than being uncomfortable with her weight, but I wouldn’t mix that nuance in and also you risk making her feel uncomfortable with her body if she hasn’t noticed people react that way or if she has but hasn’t noticed you’ve noticed."
"So approach it directly but with care."- sasstastic_
After reading what everyone had to say, the OP returned with an update, sharing how she ultimately decided to proceed and where things currently stood between her and her friend:
"I chose to talk to my friend yesterday as today was the day she wanted to go to the theme park."
"I did not bring up anything about weight, but simply said that I was wondering if she felt like we got our moneys worth last time we went."
"She stated that it would’ve been nice to get on more rides but that she doesn’t want to go on any rides with an over the chest restraint (which is what they have on most of the rides at our park) because they’re uncomfortable/do not close."
"I told her I totally understood this, but that this really limits what we can do while at the theme park and that tickets are pretty expensive especially as we are college students."
"She said she sees my point and said that she is trying to save money too, so we decided that instead of going to the theme park so often (we used to go maybe 3x a month) we are just gonna go back in August when they will be having a live music performance and firework show at the park."
"I directly asked her if she would be offended if i went to the park with other friends, she said no, and that it makes sense for the time being since it isn’t the easiest activity for her right now."
"She also commented on how she’s gotten into the habit of going with me every summer and wasn’t fully considering if this was actually worthwhile because she was so used to it."
"I told her that there are other theme parks i’ve heard of that seem a lot more accommodating and that maybe if she wants to do a road trip one day we could try another park."
"We made other plans for tonight, we are gonna go see a fun movie."
"That’s all."
"We are still close friends, she isn’t mad, and no she doesn’t think I am fatphobic for suggesting another activity, unlike some Redditors here lol."
"Thank you to everyone who was kind for the support and for the good ideas."
No one wants to be told that they can't do something owing to their physical appearance.
Leading one to imagine that had the OP told her friend that she had gotten too heavy for them to both enjoy the amusement park, it likely would not have gone over well at all.
Thankfully, it seems they found a happy compromise.
