The older we get, birthdays come with an equal amount of joy and sadness.
In addition to the fact that we might bemoan getting older each year, it’s hard not to reflect on things we wished we might have accomplished by now.
Then too, while some people are past the stage of throwing parties or any kind of celebrations, there are others who don’t have anyone to celebrate with, making the day anything but jovial.
Redditor Dancemaster212 was looking forward to spending his birthday with his mother for the first time in two years.
Until, much to the original poster (OP)’s dismay, his mother canceled on him at the last minute.
Unfortunately for her, the OP made his feelings about this very clear, and in a very public manner at that.
Wondering if he went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling out my mom on social media for abandoning me on my birthday.”
The OP explained how after his mother decided she had better things to do on his birthday, he wasn’t afraid to share his unhappiness in the matter.
“I just turned 21 years old last month and I have spent the last few birthdays by myself due to being in college.”
“About a month before my birthday, my mom and I are sitting in the living room when she asks me ‘What do you wanna do for your birthday this year?'”
“I told her that it didn’t matter as long as I got to spend it with her, seeing as I was away at college for the last two years.”
“I took a year off to help with family and to take care of my mental health.”
“A week later, she tells me that she found a VR place that was open for my birthday and made reservations for us to go which I was ecstatic about.”
“She knew how much I loved VR and her making the reservation was a good thing.”
“A few days before my birthday, she calls me from her job and tells me she canceled our reservation to go on a ‘date night’ with her boyfriend.”
“When I asked her why, she said it was the only day they could get a table for the restaurant.”
“I told her she had made a promise to spend my birthday with me and now she’s breaking it.”
“She then said to get over it and spend the day with my girlfriend (gf).”
“My gf works for a cruise line and is out of country until July.”
“I ended up spending my birthday alone and made a post on social media calling my mom out for abandoning me on a milestone birthday.”
“My family is now divided.”
“Half are siding with me, and the others are saying I’m selfish and I went too far making the post.”
“I haven’t taken it down yet.”
“Small disclaimer: this is a pattern of her’s that has been going on since I was 12.”
“Whether it’s my birthday, a competition, or an important event of mine this always happen.”
“I’m her son.”
“Her only son.”
“So, am I the a**hole here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling out his mother on social media.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be angry and upset, and his mother’s selfish behavior deserved to be called out.
“Your mom did abandon you for a date.”
“She prioritized her horniness over her child.”
“She also knew so little about you and your GF that she didn’t know your GF was away on business.”
“People get away with being complete jerks because everyone else wants to be ‘polite’ and keep things private.”
“Calling out a jerk’s bad behaviour is causing them embarrassment?”
“Family upset because it got pointed out?”
“Too bad, so sad.”- SpiritedArachnid
“Many people say OP should have called out his mom in private in stead of on SM, but that is exactly what he did.”
“And then mom said to him get over it.”
“So Mom brought the well deserved call-out on SM entirely upon herself.”
“Mom is a major AH, not OP.”- Imaginary-Fish4277
“Well well well, someone doesn’t like being call out?”
“Maybe she should’ve thought about it first?”
“What a selfish person.”
“If nothing had been planned in the beginning I could have ‘understand’ but she literally planned something and cancelled it for a date?”
“Is her love life more important that her kids birthday?”
“She better not come crying when you don’t invite her to your great life events.”-PuzzleheadedLime6510
“She made plans with her child, then cancelled them so she could go to a restaurant.”
“The restaurant ranked higher than you on her priorities.”
“It’s time to return that favor, don’t out energy into a relationship that you isn’t even remotely close to being matched.”- Hoplite68
“If the truth about your actions casts you in a bad light, then the problem isn’t the truth.”
“It’s your actions.”- Hazel2468
“I think your mum is the selfish one here.”- BaRiMaLi
“Mothers day is coming up.”
“Go see your GF mother on that day.”
“Tell your mom a day before that you already have something.”
“She can do something with her boyfriend.”- leacher666
“I get it.”
“It makes you feel really small when the one person who you’d think would care about your actual birthday don’t care.”- Logical-Cost4571
“If mom didn’t like people knowing about her sh*tty behavior, maybe she shouldn’t have behaved in a sh*tty way.”- CoffeeCat77
“Given that this has happened several times, it’s obvious that your mom doesn’t care about important stuff for you, like a birthday.”- the_greek_italian
“And parents wonder why their kids go no contact later on in life.”
“Don’t listen to that half of your family that are calling YOU selfish (wtf is wrong with them??) for making that post.”
“You have every right to make a post.”
“You did not go ‘too far’.”
“Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
“Keep the post up, and I would start making strong boundaries against people like this.”
“They need a punching bag to put all of their insecurities on.”
“Which is you.”
“Which is so horrible.”
“You don’t deserve that.”
“Don’t be their punching bag.”
“They love to watch drama unfold.”
“I’m not a big believer of ‘don’t air out dirty laundry’.”
“There wouldn’t be needing to ‘air out dirty laundry’ if there truly was nothing wrong.”
“I went through narc abuse and my dad would always tell me to ‘never air out dirty laundry’.”
“He knew what was going on in the household and he would rather have me be silent (I was the scapegoat and I was the only one standing up to the narc abuse) than get any kind of help.”
“I now have horrible anxiety and depression.”
“I got therapy after moving out.”
“Healing is a work in progress.”
“Keeping everything in for so long, has done a number on my mental health.”- Thatcherrycupcake
“Happy belated birthday.”- justafleshwound175
“I had a major flashback to my 20th birthday reading this.”
“In my family, whoever’s birthday it is gets to either chose a restaurant to go to, or if they like a certain meal, my mom or myself make it.”
“For my 20th I wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant for dinner.”
“I got home, my family was gone.”
“I called my parents (not my brothers because cell phones weren’t a regular thing for teenagers then) a few times but couldn’t get a hold of any of them, so I ended up having some frozen meal.”
“Hours later my parents and brothers came home, my parents were a little drunk.”
“Apparently they went to the restaurant I had wanted to go to, my brothers assumed I’d be meeting them there.”
“My parents didn’t say anything about my birthday.”
“Years later they confessed they’d forgotten, but only after I mentioned to my grandparents and aunts/uncles that they forgot it.”
“I don’t regret ‘shaming’ them for it, I see it as holding them accountable.”
“I’d tried telling them my feelings were really hurt, they tried saying there was a miscommunication, but I explained we were really clear about the plan (it was also on the family calendar), and they confessed they forgot completely and were sorry.”
“All in all, you’re NTA.”
“It sucks being forgotten about.”
“It sucks being ditched for a ‘better’ night.”
“But it sucks even more when it comes from your parent.”- morganmce
It is pretty shocking that any parent would do this.
And the fact that the OP told his mother that the only thing that mattered to him was that they spent his birthday together makes this all the more heartbreaking.
It would have been wise for the OP to stop and consider that not many 21-year-olds would want to spend their birthday with their parents.
Which the OP might not want to do ever again after this.