Maturity does not come automatically with age.
There are sixteen-year-olds who make better decisions than forty-year-olds.
What do you, however, when the immature one is your parent and they lash out at you for not getting what they want?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) imsohigh_drated when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my dad to not have any more kids?”
OP began with a little background.
“I’m (16 Female) and my dad is 45 Male.”
“I’m an only child but my dad has been wanting to have more kids for a very long time.”
“Me and all of my cousins are girls and my dad doesn’t want the family name to die out.”
She gave a little insight into her Father’s character.
“One of the main reasons why my dad decided to divorce my mom was that she was pushing 40, and my dad is a lot younger than my mom and he wanted to be with someone younger than him.”
“My dad has been trying for 10 years to find a girlfriend in her 20s or 30s who would be perfect to marry and have children with.”
“None of my dad’s relationships last more than a month and he usually has at least two girlfriends at a time.”
“My dad’s reasoning for having kids besides the whole wanting a son thing?”
“So I can parent them.”
“He said I can stay up with the baby the whole night and change its diapers so that he doesn’t have to take care of it.”
“I told him that it’s ridiculous because I’m not the parent.”
“I really want to have kids of my own one day, but I don’t want to be forced to parent a sibling!”
“I told my dad that he shouldn’t have more kids if that’s his reasoning. He called me an ungrateful b*tch and I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for an outside perspective.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses were very direct.
“NTA. His expectation of you to parent his child is ridiculous.” ~ analgesic1986
“NTA. And at this rate, given this about him:”
“‘My dad has been trying for 10 years to find a girlfriend in her 20s or 30s who would be perfect to marry and have children with.'”
“‘None of my dad’s relationships last more than a month and he usually has at least two girlfriends at a time.”‘
“…You won’t have to worry about being parentified, because obviously every woman he meets smells his obsession to make them into his brood-sows and yanks the eject handle as soon as possible.”
“I am more than slightly worried that he will eventually see you as a candidate.” ~ Fine_Helicopter7214
“NTA and your dad is being an AH in two ways:”
“1, the way he’s being thoroughly open about, telling you that he wants to parentify you by having you take care of future kids.”
“2, the way he may be less open about but which seems to be happening based on what you’ve said, treating women like they’re only good as incubators.”
“So many red flags. Does your mom know what he’s saying to you?”
“As the guardian to a minor she should be stepping in to set boundaries if you’re having difficulties.” ~author124
“Nope.”
“NTA.”
“Dad seems to only want a son for the wrong reasons and with non of the responsibility.”
“I have learned that with age maturity is not guaranteed.”
“Also sounds creepy wanting a female that’s potentially 5 years older than you to make babies with.”
“He indicated it in a way that he knows any future relationship wouldn’t last therefore have joint custody of future child (which isn’t guaranteed to be a boy) and he’d expect you to do all the tiring stuff.”
“He sounds lazy, irresponsible and sexist.” ~ Flaky_Sleep
Others shared personal stories.
“My father desperately wanted a son to carry on the last name since most of my generation were girls and aunt had the only boy.”
“He got his boy, who grew up and due to problems with the spelling and pronunciation of the last name, promptly changed it to something much, much easier.”
“It’s been over twenty years and it still brings a smile to my face.”
“NTA” ~ ScarletteMayWest
“NTA”
“Reminds me a bit of my dad, too.”
“I (oldest) have two half-sisters and a half brother.”
“Years ago, I asked my dad why he treated brother differently, and my dad told me that ‘all men want to have a son’. smh.”
“Thankfully, my grandparents raised me, so I didn’t have to deal with that attitude all the time, unlike my sisters.” ~ crushed_dreams
Some responders were confused.
“Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah…”
“One of the reasons he wants to have a kid, is so that u can raise it????”
“How… how is that a reason for having a kid???”
“That’s maybe an excuse as to why he can have a kid, but it certainly is not a reason to have another one.”
“Absolutely no one gives birth to their first child then thinks ‘u know what this child needs? A child to raise!”’
“NTA, OP ur dad is a bit of a psycho, maybe live full time with ur mom if u can”
“Edit: just saw ur comment about ur mom, wow ur parents both suck, do u maybe have a nonsucky grandparent or aunt or cousin or something??”
“Someone u can go to who will try to help shield u from this madness???” ~ RepublicOfLizard
“I’m confused.”
“So he’s not even expecting the child’s mother to do all the parenting, just you?”
“You’re 16. Why does he want you to be a parent so bad? Would he be satisfied if you became a teen parent?”
“How the hell does it make you ungrateful you don’t want to be a parent at 16?” ~ Loose-Fold6570
Commenters were concerned for OP’s safety.
“NTA.”
“Dude. Run, run, run. Get out now.”
“Your father wants to entrap you as a servant to his quest to fulfill his f*cked up male inheritance b*llsh*t.”
“It is deeply unhealthy and the fact that you’re even here asking unable to see that means you have to leave.” ~ BogwitchOfTheBog
“I haven’t read all of the comments and I don’t know if someone already said it, but I’m concerned about you, you are not safe with your dad.”
“He’s very obsessed with a kid.”
“Think with me: 1- he wants a very young woman to get pregnant”
“2- his relationships don’t last”
“3- he wants a baby to parent WITH YOU.”
“4- He wants YOU to HAVE A CHILDREN too.”
“5- you’re very young (read number 1 again)”
“Don’t make me write the sixth. You’re not safe there, your dad is not normal. Talk to your mom and other relatives ASAP” ~ Ok_Leave_6236
Commenters also encouraged OP to get out of her current situation.
“NTA. Seriously?!”
“WTF is that man thinking?!”
“You deserve to be a child as long as you can, and having you parent HIS CHILD is absolutely ridiculous and wrong.”
“You were right to tell him that his reasoning is off and he shouldn’t bring another child into the world with that line of thinking.”
“Not to mention his reason for divorcing your mother was shady at best.”
“He probably will never have a good, lasting relationship with this mindset and behavior.”
“You need to consider removing him, and those that agree with him, from your life.”
“Surely you could go live with your mother or another family member if you are not already.”
“Be sure to tell them exactly why you needed to leave.”
“You don’t have to be a parent to someone else’s child or at all if it is not your desire.” ~ Aeslohsnewhuman
“NTA.”
“First of all, you had a lot of us right away at ‘ungrateful b*tch “. Your father is twisted up.”
“Thank goodness you’re 16.”
“So do well in school and maybe if you can get a job and start saving your money because you’re gonna need to move out and support yourself because at some point he’s going to get somebody pregnant and then he’s going to have a kid and then he’s going to try to force you to raise the kid.”
“On the other hand maybe it won’t work because he’s kind of weird.”
“What a cruel person to ditch your mother because of her age and he wanted more of a chance to have more kids.”
“It looks like, with a character like this, he doesn’t have much going for him.”
“Maybe that’s why none of his relationships last.”
“Finding a woman to used to have a child it’s not necessarily an easy thing for someone like him. I hope you build yourself a wonderful life.” ~ mcclgwe
Parenting is a difficult, all-encompassing job that does not get the respect it deserves.
However, when the mature one in the relationship is the child, there are larger problems at work.