Ah, weddings—dividing families and ending friendships like few other social events can.
While a celebration of the love and commitment between people devolving into a drama-filled sh*t-show seems counterintuitive, the observation is entirely accurate if Reddit and other social media are to be believed.
Who makes it on the guest list or in the wedding party, where the wedding occurs and the theme, who is paying, and if that means they get to make the decisions, whether kids—or your cousin’s dog!—can come are all things that have led to family feuds and friends becoming enemies.
And the clothes!
Eloping or just skipping marriage looks better and better the more you learn about other people’s wedding woes. But as long as it’s not your nuptial nonsense, it can be pretty entertaining.
Sure, it’s high-stakes for those involved, but there’s a reason reality TV is popular.
We love other people’s drama.
The issues when a 28-year-old bride decided her wedding theme was Disney princesses—but one bridesmaid balked about her assignment in the princess party—captured the attention of over 10k people and garnered over 2k comments on Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA For Saying No To Dressing As A Disney Princess For A Wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (24, female) am friends with Holly (28, female) who is getting married next summer. Holly has always been a Disney girlie, and I wasn’t surprised when she told me and the other bridesmaids she wanted us to dress as Disney princesses.”
“Holly is going to wear a huge, glittery, glammed-up ballgown, and we’ll be in dresses that are more of a modern take on the princesses’ dresses, but there will be text on the invite stating which bridesmaid is which princess and which groomsmen is which prince.”
“There are five of us, and she wants us each in a different color, so she has chosen Ariel (pink), Cinderella (blue), Belle (yellow), Rapunzel (purple), and Tiana (green).”
“She picked who would be who for us and told me that she wants me as Tiana since I have black hair. The problem is, I’m White.”
“The entire bridal party is White.”
“If she would’ve asked me to do blackface I would have blown up, to be honest. She did make a comment about how I should ‘get a tan before the wedding’ though.”
“Even so, Tiana is a Black character, and I’m not a Black woman. I don’t feel comfortable dressing up as a Black woman, even if skin painting isn’t involved.”
“You can see why I’m not feeling this choice.”
“I brought it up privately with Holly and tried to suggest alternatives for green (Merida from Brave or Anna from Frozen), but she shot them down (Merida’s dress is ‘actually blue’ + she has no prince, and she doesn’t like Frozen).”
“I told Holly that I will not be Tiana for her wedding and that I’m stepping down unless she accepts one of the alternatives or provides another. She called me a b*tch and a terrible friend and said nobody is going to care.”
“I told her that I care, and I’m not doing it.”
“I’ve gotten some Facebook messages from some of her family/friends asking why I’m being so difficult and why I’m trying to ruin Holly’s wedding, and even a couple of the bridesmaids have told me to just ‘suck it up’ because I’m throwing Holly’s plan out of whack.”
“I’m standing my ground on this, but the pushback kind of has me wondering if I’m making something out of nothing.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
The OP later cleared up some confusion on the bride’s comment to darken her skin.
“Bride asked only me to get a tan.”
“Nowhere did I comment saying she asked everyone [to get a tan].”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were pretty divided as some felt the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“It’s pretty ridiculous that you think anyone else would know and/or care about these characters.”
“It’s your friend’s wedding, just suck it up and wear what she says. It’s a dress colour, not a skin colour.”
“Grow up. You’re not the hero you think you are. YTA.” ~ Jalice333
“Honestly YTA if that’s the only reason. It’s a green dress. Nobody cares, you’re not playing her at a park, you’re not pretending to be Tiana at all, you’re just wearing a green dress, which you’ve already said you’d be fine with if it was another princess.”
“Of course you’re allowed to not be a bridesmaid for any reason, but if that’s the only reason, then it’s a stupid one.” ~ AmphibianNo8598
“To be honest, I think it’s worse that you’re making such a big deal out of this. It really comes off as virtue signaling, as most anyone would tell you that it’s okay to dress as a character from a different race as long as you are respectful.”
“Darken your skin? Get dreadlocks? Then yeah, YTA. Wear a Tiana-inspired dress? Completely fine.” ~ Cadence_828
A handful saw no a**holes here (NAH).
“NAH. As a 34-year-old male, I find the idea dumb, and the bride sounds high maintenance…. but it’s not my wedding.”
“I completely empathize with your hesitation. I’d just roll with it. Everyone who thinks it’s a silly idea at the ceremony will be fully aware it was the bride’s idea, not yours.” ~ NYRIMAOH
“It’s just Disney-inspired. You are not actually dressing up or cosplaying as the characters.”
“I think you are making a big deal out of this, but I do get what you are coming from, too. NAH.” ~ No_Limit_2589
While others made a case that only the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) while the bride…
“NTA. You don’t have to wear anything that makes you uncomfortable. I don’t see how this is any different from someone asking you to wear a dress that you feel is too revealing.”
“Also, the bride’s request that you get a tan while cosplaying a Black character feels inappropriate.
“You offered the bride alternatives, and she rejected your suggestions. You’re doing the right thing by removing yourself from the bridal party, but you can still attend the wedding to support your friend.” ~ TheDeparted13
“NTA. YIKES. I’m Black, and I think your concerns are completely valid and considerate. I would put my foot down with her and force her to choose another princess.”
“Just think, if pictures of the event end up on the internet, you could potentially be castigated for dressing as Tiana even if you haven’t done anything wrong intentionally and didn’t want to in the first place.” ~ Andromeda_Hyacinthus
“People these days are Uber-sensitive about race dynamics. I personally don’t think it matters, but my opinion doesn’t really matter in this regard as a White male.”
“She’s not wrong for having this concern. NTA. I’d avoid this whole situation.” ~ endosurgery
“NTA. As others have said, I don’t understand why she can’t just let you choose to be Snow White… who also has black hair?”
“Also, I don’t really fully agree with others saying you’re being dramatic. Tiana’s story is super culturally specific to a time during American history when Black people were heavily segregated, and this is a huge part of her story.
“I really feel like people would be singing a different tune if she had asked you to be Moana, Mulan, or Pocahontas… I do truly believe that anyone can dress up as these princesses and enjoy it, but there is also a level of gravity to some of these stories that just isn’t as strong in Cinderella, for example.”
“I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. I think your friend sounds short-sighted. I am Black and from America.” ~ gobliam
“NTA, you should 100% stand your ground. The bride has a right to a juvenile tacky wedding, but you have the right to not be a part of it.”
“I would take it one step further and not attend as a guest either.”
“I’ll never understand why brides feel that because it’s their special day, they have the right to treat everyone like puppets.” ~ The__Oubliette
“NTA. All these people weighing in about how ‘it wouldn’t bother them’ are missing the point.”
“You expressed your discomfort to the bride. Offered simple alternatives. And she called you a b*tch and made a big fuss on social media. This is so disrespectful.”
“And I understand why you would feel uncomfortable. Playing a character whose race is integral to their character, when you are not that race? Can easily be discomforting.”
“Everyone here wants to act clueless.” ~ Kissy1234
But only one person—surprising given how many people felt there were a**holes involved—felt everyone sucks (ESH).
“ESH (everyone sucks here).”
“As a Black female myself, I don’t see anything wrong with you wearing a similar dress to Tiana. Now if you tried to act like Tiana or fully look like her skin tone-wise, then yes, you would be the AH.”
“As a Disney fan myself, I personally love your friend’s idea, but how she went about it is totally wrong. And her reaction to you being uncomfortable and asking you to get a tan are out of line.”
“It’s late for this idea as you’ve already stepped out, but I’m for the idea she should let y’all pick the names of the princesses she likes from a bag (I agree a lil’ weird to not like Frozen, but to each their own.)”
“If you don’t like the princess, you should be able to pick a new one or ask one of the other bridesmaids to trade.” ~ DohnutinNY
After the results at the 18hr mark—the point when AITA tallies upvotes—were posted as YTA, the OP added:
“The NTA and NAH votes took the majority, and the NTA comments were far more concise and logical, so I feel confident in my decision here and that I was not an a**hole.”
“Thank you to everyone who gave me good advice and sent love to my inbox.”
“Also, in case it isn’t clear to the plethora of users who continued to recommend alternatives, I bowed out of the wedding after Holly called me a b*tch, and I will not be making attempts to rejoin.”
“At this point, I no longer consider Holly a friend, and I doubt she still considers me one.”
So, it seems like the problem solved itself.
But while a friendship was a casualty, it may not be a great loss for the OP or Holly based on the animosity this disagreement evoked.